


One Was Gold

by PadnProng



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Childhood Friends, Eventual James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, First War with Voldemort, Gen, Hogwarts Era, Hogwarts Fifth Year, Hogwarts First Year, Hogwarts Fourth Year, Hogwarts Second Year, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Hogwarts Third Year, Identity Issues, Lily Evans Potter & Severus Snape Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Marauders' Era, POV Lily Evans Potter, POV Severus Snape, Quidditch, Young Severus Snape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-12-10 11:28:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11690688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PadnProng/pseuds/PadnProng
Summary: Severus began to dwell on a thought that had begun to worry him ever since their encounter with those two idiots from earlier--it wasn’t about them, though. It was about Lily. About the future of their friendship.“Lily,” he said carefully with a slight frown, breaking the relaxing quiet.“What will happen if we’re not sorted into the same house?”





	1. Year One

Lily could still hear the two obnoxious black-haired boys laughing even after she’d slammed the compartment door. 

“What enormous gits they must be to get into it with someone they don’t even know on the first day!” Lily snapped to Severus, hoping to make herself loud enough so that _they_ could still hear _her_. The boys just continued laughing. Lily rolled her eyes. “Come on, Severus, we’ll find an empty compartment,” she muttered, walking briskly down the train as if she owned it. 

Lily didn’t need to tell Severus twice. He was _fuming_. Perhaps he wasn’t brawny, but who were they to say he wasn’t brainy? He smarted from the remark more than he should have, perhaps--but he would show them, as soon as he had the chance. 

As Severus stewed, Lily pressed the heel of her palms to each eye in turn, wiping a new set of tears away. Lily knew this wasn’t about those two idiots, but the provocation hadn’t done much to calm her already prickly nerves--she still felt raw over Petunia, having not yet cried all of that sadness out. They had never fought like this before, in a way that felt serious, like it actually meant something. 

Once they’d entered their new compartment, Lily let out a huge, frustrated sigh, and continued with the train of thought she’d been on before those dreadful boys interrupted. “I’m sorry to be like this today, and I promise I’ll stop talking about it, it’s just--I’m not going to get a chance to fix things with Tuney until _Christmas_. Mum and Dad always say not to go to bed angry at each other, and now she’s angry with me, and I won’t see her for _months_!”

Lily collapsed into the seat with a huff, folding her arms over her chest. She looked at Severus and then back out the window. “I don’t get what she’s so angry for, either. Sure, our parents are happy for me and proud of me, but they’re always happy and proud of _both_ of us, for _whatever_ we do. It’s not like I’m their favorite, or something ridiculous like that, they love us both equally, and she knows that!” 

Severus’ fists unclenched as he began to realize that Lily was upset, truly upset--not just peeved by those two imbeciles (as he surely still was). He took his seat in the vacant compartment across from Lily, a bit more modestly than she had. He listened to her intently and patiently as always--and bit his tongue. Severus had made the mistake of articulating his thoughts about Petunia in the past. Lily had never exactly found his opinion on this particular topic to be savory, to say the least. 

He carefully considered the direction of this conversation, not wanting to further upset her.

“You’ve done all you can, you know that,” he replied gently before turning to watch the roaring fields pass by outside the window. Severus couldn’t mask his thoughtful countenance, however.

“I guess so,” she sighed. “Maybe we could have included her more…” Lily thought, then shook her head. “But I _always_ invited her, and she always said no, so,” Lily shrugged. Of course, she understood that part of what Petunia wanted was for Lily to not be friends with Severus at all, but their friendship was not something she was willing to give up, nor did she think it was in any way right or fair or nice for Petunia to expect that of her.

“Anyway. Let’s change the subject,” she said. “Why do you like Slytherin best?”

Severus internally applauded himself for refraining from insulting his best friend's sister. From their friendship, he came to learn that crossing Lily Evans should be avoided at all costs.

His pensive gaze returned to the window for a moment as he considered Lily’s question.

“Well, I suppose what Slytherin house represents has always appealed to me most,” he explained, lacing his fingers on his lap.

“The cornerstone of Slytherin is ambition. Ambition requires perseverance, discipline and logic. Bravery, loyalty, and wit--everyone’s born with these qualities, really. They come and go. But if you can learn to persevere in any situation, then perhaps those other traits won’t be so transitory.”

Lily listened and considered the qualities that Severus had described. She'd a lot to admire in a person like that, too. She liked to think of herself like that, and she could definitely see Severus in that way.

“I think that suits you,” Lily told him. “You’re strong-willed and determined and logical. If that’s what Slytherins are like and you want to be sorted there so badly, I think you’ll get in,” she said truthfully. 

“We’ll see,” Severus shrugged with an anxious sigh. He then smirked, “Another reason is that their house ghost is undoubtedly the most wicked,” he added.

Lily quirked an eyebrow, her eyes widening ever so slightly. Unconsciously, she found herself leaning in closer to Severus, like a ghost might creep on her right in this instant. “They have a ghost? And it’s wicked?” 

At Lily’s next words, Severus’ smirk widened. He leaned in towards her and stared her straight in the eye.

“Oh, yes. He is called the Bloody Baron,” he began in barely a whisper and paused for dramatic effect. “He’s a tormented lost soul covered in silver blood and thick, heavy chains…”

He was grateful for the unforgiving, grey weather conditions outside the window. It provided a cinematic effect that words would simply fail to portray in this instance.

“...Everyone’s scared of him, you see. Even the other ghosts. Every year after the sorting ceremony the Bloody Baron haunts each first-year in the dead of night. You’ll know he’s coming when you hear those heavy chains dragging _slowly_ across the floor…”

“...And then you’ll wake up and gaze into those blank, soulless eyes right above you...and _then_ …” 

At that precise moment a dimpled woman abruptly slid back the door to their compartment with a trolley of pastries and other goods. 

“Anything from the trolley, dears?”

Lily was already at the edge of her seat when the trolley woman opened the door. She screamed at the sudden burst of movement at precisely the wrong time. Lily placed her hand over her heart and stared wide-eyed at the woman for a moment until it registered in her mind that this was clearly _not_ the Bloody Baron. 

Then, Lily burst out laughing, tears of a different kind rolling down her cheeks. She kicked Severus’ foot playfully. “Oh, you--” she began to say, then the trolley woman cleared her throat.

“Everything...alright, dear?” 

“Yes--just--telling ghost stories,” Lily said between giggles. The woman smiled fondly at the two of them.

“Oh, well, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to come across new ones of those at Hogwarts,” she said. 

Severus had bent over with laughter upon witnessing Lily’s reaction. He turned to the trolley-woman, still grinning and slightly flushed.

“Your timing is impeccable,” he added.

“Would you like anything, dears?” The trolley-woman asked again.

“Yes, I’ll--” Lily began, but then looked perplexed at all the unfamiliar items. “Okay, Sev, what’s good?” she asked. 

Severus then looked from the cart to Lily. “So much to learn--you’re so fortunate to have me with you.” He snickered and surveyed the trolley’s inventory before coming to a decision.

“Er...two treacle tarts, a pumpkin pasty, and two--no, three sugar quills.” he handed the woman a few sickles and collected their goods.

“You’re in for a treat, quite literally,” he snickered, breaking apart the pumpkin pasty and giving Lily half of their stash.

They happily indulged in their confectionary lunch and basked in the glory of the extra hyperactivity until, inevitably, the sugar crash fell upon them. Severus spent his repose thoughtfully scribing in a leather-bound journal while the sky became dark with the setting of the sun. 

Severus began to dwell on a thought that had begun to worry him ever since their encounter with those two idiots from earlier--it wasn’t about them, though. It was about Lily. About the future of their friendship.

“Lily,” he said carefully with a slight frown, breaking the relaxing quiet.

“What will happen if we’re not sorted into the same house?” 

Lily’s brow furrowed at his question, and she looked up from her copy of _Hogwarts, A History_.

“Why would anything happen?” she asked, then shrugged, closing the book. “We’ll still have classes together, won’t we? I guess we’d have different dormitories, and that wouldn’t be ideal, but there would have to be other places we could hang out. The grounds, library, the Great Hall…” she reasoned, then shrugged again. “I hope we’re in the same house, but it’ll be fine either way.” 

Severus nodded to Lily with a small smile in response. But he wasn’t completely reassured. Lily had been the best friend he ever had---one of the only friends he ever had, really. Before Lily, all he had known was loneliness and abuse. There was no one who meant quite as much to him as her. He trusted her, though, and believed that this concern would soon dissolve once everything fell into place at Hogwarts.

~~*~~

Just as Severus had wished, he was sorted into Slytherin. Unfortunately, though, Lily ended up in his rival house--Gryffindor. He swallowed this reality like a bitter sleeping potion, but reminded himself that nothing would change between them.

Already within the first initial weeks at Hogwarts, the rivalry between Severus and James Potter had markedly intensified. Potter had already formed a close knit command of allies. It also didn’t help that his house as a whole was already smitten with him. Severus couldn’t possibly conceive of why that was. In any respect, he soon realized that if he was to survive the next seven years he would need some strong allies of his own to rally behind him.

Severus indubitably was the most clever of his fellow Slytherin first-years, and found that it wasn’t difficult to befriend them--as long as he threw around the words _’mudblood, dirty blood, and pureblood’_ in practically every other sentence. At first, he reassured Lily that his pseudo-friendships with such prejudiced and despicable individuals was purely for political purposes. As time went on, however, the sharing of a common enemy forged the beginnings of true camaraderie between Severus and the Slytherins.

“Potter was born a blood-traitor. Mum and dad have been saying it for ages. His vermin family was outcasted from the Sacred Twenty-Eight a long, long time ago, and now they’re good-for-nothin’ low-lifes. It’s pathetic, really,” Avery spat to the group of five Slytherin first-year boys as they headed across the grounds to the first Quidditch match of the year. Slytherin vs Gryffindor--how poetic.

Severus chortled a bit in response along with the group. He didn’t care much about blood purity--especially considering his own half-blood status, but he did despise James Potter. So he laughed anyway. 

“Black is one too,” Mulciber added with his lip curling in disgust. “Who would have thought it possible--the Black name now soiled. I’ve heard the older kids talking, they want his head bashed in for it.”

Severus looked away and rolled his eyes at this comment. The _Sirius Black Sorting Scandal_ had been far too popular a topic in his house. And a redundant one at that. Luckily, however, in that moment he had spotted Lily in the crowd with her friends heading towards the pitch.

“Meet me at the pitch,” he instructed the Slytherins.

Although Lily was immersed in Mary’s detailed explanation of Quidditch, she immediately caught Severus’ eye, as if by instinct. She had quickly made friends with the girls in her dormitory and was relieved to find they really had a lot in common--there was another Muggle-born girl, Ana, and the others from wizarding families like Mary and Dorcas and Marlene didn’t seem to care about blood status at all. Marlene had described it as a “dying belief,” even knowing Lily couldn’t help but get the feeling that for some of the students at this school, it really was not--like for the guys Severus had started hanging out with, for example.

Still, Lily was determined not to judge, because she couldn’t be at all certain that there was anything really wrong with Mulciber and Avery and the rest, or if she was just jealous that Severus was making new friends. Which Lily _knew_ was wrong and irrational, especially since she was making new friends, too; but the truth was, she still liked Severus best.

Which was why when he caught her eye, Lily beamed and waved at him.

Severus returned Lily’s wave with a small, yet profound, smile. He then braved the upstream flow of the Hogwarts student body to meet her in the middle. 

“Hi,” he said gingerly.

He had been so caught up with Hogwarts politics and coursework that he and Lily had hardly spent any time together in well over a week.

“Where will you be sitting?” Severus asked with his eyes briefly darting to the Gryffindor females surrounding his best friend. He elected to immediately rephrase his question, considering how outnumbered he was just then.

“Do you want to sit with me?”

Lily didn’t hesitate in saying, “Yes.” In part, because she missed him, and she never anticipated having to miss him when they were still at the same school together--but also because Lily really never concerned herself with what other people thought, so it hadn’t even occurred to her to think it would be weird for a Gryffindor to sit with a Slytherin at a match between their two houses. When Lily wanted to do something, she just did it.

It was a quality of hers that tended to leave the people around her dumbstruck on occasion, like right now, as the majority of her friends gaped at her with the exception of Ana, who--as a fellow Muggle-born--didn’t quite grasp the intensity of the Gryffindor-Slytherin rivalry yet, either.

“But Lily, _Gryffindor_ is playing!” Mary protested, scandalized.

Lily shrugged. “I don’t really care who wins, I just want to watch the game. Besides, this is my friend from home who I was telling you about, Severus,” she said.

The three of them just sort of blinked, stunned at Lily’s casual dismissal of the laws of Quidditch culture. Ana smiled warmly, though, “Oh, it’s nice to meet you, Severus, Lily does talk about you often,” she said. “All good things!” Ana clarified. “My name’s Ana,” she said.

Mary, Dorcas, and Marlene seemed to remember themselves at Ana’s politeness and introduced themselves each in turn.

Severus surveyed the girls with a bit less enthusiasm than he probably should have. 

“Charmed,” he muttered with his tone void of effect. 

He led Lily away from her friends and towards the pitch. They were just falling back into their typical friendly banter as they had reached the top one of the aerial viewing boxes--which happened to be split down the middle with Gryffindors and Slytherins. Surely, this should have been illegal--or in the very least heavily monitored, but Professor Slughorn was attempting to encourage healthy competition between the two houses and Professor McGonagall was too engrossed in the match to argue.

Severus and Lily took seats in one of the box’s corners so that were a bit distanced from everyone else. He eyed the clamorous excitement surrounding him wearily. 

“How are you enjoying your first Quidditch match so far?” Severus asked Lily with a small smile, leaning in towards her so that she could hear him over the roaring barbarians. 

“I’d say this is an excellent portrayal of how easily human beings can become animals,” he scoffed.

Lily was engrossed in the game, trying to remember everything Mary had told her in order to really follow it--yet, even when she wasn’t entirely sure what was going on, she still found it thrilling to watch people diving and swooping through the air. Lily gripped the bench tightly every time it looked like someone would surely pelt to their doom, but then they never did.

She laughed at Severus’ remark--it _was_ very rambunctious, but she didn’t mind it. “The crowd definitely has that sort of vibe,” she agreed. “But I think it’s amazing! I keep thinking they're going to crash and die, but they don't! And I love how there's not a separate boys and girls team, that everyone plays together,” Lily said to his earlier question. “Plus, this is a lot more exciting than football!” she yelled over the din.

“If it isn’t my two most promising first year Potions students together, Mr. Snape and Ms. Evans!” Professor Slughorn interrupted, shouting cheerfully over towards them as he came ambling up the steps with a pint of butterbeer from Merlin knew where. “Ms. Evans, we are very honored to have you join us on this fine day! Oh, I shall have such fun making Professor McGonagall jealous!” he said, giving Lily a good-natured pat on the back as he reclaimed his seat a few stands above in the faculty section, between Professor Merriweather and Hagrid. 

Lily laughed again once Slughorn was gone. “McGonagall and Slughorn are sort of mismatched when it comes to House stereotypes, don’t you think?” 

Severus gaped at the head of his house in disbelief and shook his head somberly after he had turned to leave.

“The juxtaposition is laughable,” he sighed and covered his face with his palm. It’s not that Severus didn’t find Slughorn to be a clever man…he just was a bit too… _whimsical_ for Severus’ taste.

He made the mistake of briefly scanning the vicinity as he observed Professor Slughorn exiting. Severus’ eyes unintentionally met the gaze of none other than Black, who was sitting with Potter and their minions--they were obviously the most raucous group in the box. Black shot him an infuriating smirk and blew him a kiss before realizing who Severus was sitting with. Severus sighed and turned away just as he witnessed Black ram Potter’s ribs, gesturing to Severus and Lily.

“Brilliant..” 

“What is it?” Lily asked, once more enraptured with the sport.

“OI!!! _EVANS_!!!” Lily somehow managed to hear James Potter boom from across the stands. Lily jumped and turned instinctively; it took her a moment to even spot him, but then, sure enough, there was Potter, face painted in Gryffindor colors and standing beside Black with his hands cupped over the sides of his mouth to project his voice.

“GRYFFINDOR IS OVER _HERE_ , EVANS!!” he shouted again. 

Lily shot him a glare nearly as loud as his voice. She watched as Marlene whacked James in the back of the head, clearly telling him to leave her alone. That made Lily smile, at least, as she turned away from them.

“Like I don’t _know_ that,” Lily scowled. “He is _so_ annoying,” she told Severus, shaking her head. “Always has something to say.” 

“You don’t understand the joy it brings me to hear someone sane say that,” Severus snickered, smiling fondly at Lily.

“Oh, I say it _all_ the time,” Lily said with a little smirk.

As if Potter’s interruption wasn’t bad enough all on its own, the spectacle he created had alerted Severus’ Slytherin cohort to his whereabouts. The four of them abandoned their bench to crowd around Severus and Lily.

“Where the bloody hell have you _been_?” Rosier demanded.

“Yeah, we saved a seat for you!” Wilkes piped in.

Severus concluded then that attending this match had been a mistake. Between the clamor, interruptions and overwhelming presence of human beings, he would much rather be finishing his essay on the Soap Blizzard of 1378.

“I’ve been right here the whole time,” Severus explained impatiently, raising his brow. “This is Lily Evans,” he pointed to Lily. “Lily, this is Wilkes, Rosier, Avery and Mulciber.”

The four boys were stoic as they eyed Lily. “ _Evans_ ,” Avery repeated. “Not familiar with _that_ name...Rosier, do you recognize the name _Evans_?” he asked ominously.

“No. I don’t.”

“Where would you happen to be from, then, _Evans_ ,” Avery asked Lily with a cold look.

“She’s from Cokeworth just like me. Spinner’s End,” Severus explained curtly, wishing this introduction would cease already. “You’re blocking the match,” he pointed out.

“Funny, but I thought that’s mainly where _muggles_ live…Is that right, Mulciber?”

“That’s right.”

Lily regarded Rosier, Avrey, Wilkes, and Mulciber with a look that could only be described as utterly unbothered.

“I don’t recognize any of _your_ names either,” she remarked. “And there are lots of Muggles in Cokeworth. Like my parents and sister, for instance,” she told them with no hesitation whatsoever. In fact, Lily’s chin was raised in a prideful manner as she stared down her nose at the boys. 

The four boys burst into a chorus of derisive laughter.

“Snape, what the bloody hell are you doing with a _mudblood_.”

Lily's brow furrowed at the name, clearly perplexed. If possible, what color Severus had in his complexion drained the moment that word was uttered.

“Don’t call her that…” Severus said quietly through gritted teeth.

“What--you mean, mudblood?! But that’s what she _is_ , after all.” Mulciber laughed.

“Clearly she is, look--she doesn’t even know what mudblood means,” Wilkes pointed out, which made them all roar even louder with sadistic laughter.

“Lily, let’s go,” Severus insisted, abruptly standing up with his knuckles gripped tightly.

“What did you call me?” Lily snapped. She genuinely didn’t know what mudblood meant, but it didn’t sound very good. “Why should we leave? _They_ should be the ones to go,” Lily insisted. They didn’t have time to debate it further, as an authoritative voice filled the air.

“Mulciber, Avrey, Wilkes!” Slughorn bellowed as he made his way down the stands again, presumably for another pint. “Ten points _each_ from Slytherin for using such foul language and embarrassing me at our own Quidditch match,” he said sternly. “If I hear you talking like that again, it will be detention. Perhaps we should compare your grades with Ms. Evans’ later to demonstrate that blood truly doesn’t matter, hm?” 

“And ten points _to_ Slytherin for Mr. Snape defending his friend,” Slughorn said. “Let them be a lesson to you boys of a more _evolved_ and enlightened way of thinking.” 

The four boys mumbled insincere apologies to Professor Slughorn as they walked off, shooting Severus stern looks of doubt mixed with inklings of resentment. Those looks deeply concerned Severus.

Lily turned back to Severus as Slughorn huffed past them all. “What does mudblood mean?” she asked immediately, her cheeks still flushed with anger. 

Severus frowned as he looked away from the boys and back to Lily. “...Don’t listen to them, Lily. Honestly, they’re all dunderheads…”

However, he was well aware that these words would do nothing to quell Lily’s inquiry. He knew her too well to assume otherwise.

He sighed deeply. “It...it’s a derogatory term for someone born of Muggle parentage...It’s a very _foul_ thing to say…It means dirty blood.”

Severus kept his gaze fixated on his fingers while he pulled at the strings on his green and silver scarf. He suddenly felt overwhelmingly guilty for ever using the word himself. Not that Lily knew, of course--but still. In truth, he felt no fondness or allegiance to his fellow first-years, but that was mainly because Severus had no allegiance to anyone, really--except for Lily.

“In the wizarding world there are some people who still believe in blood supremacy. They are brought up to look down upon anyone who isn’t born from a pure wizarding family. But, really, there aren’t many families that _are_ purely witches and wizards anymore. Most are like you and me,” he explained in hushed tones so that even if it were possible, no one could overhear him.

“I’m sorry they spoke to you like that…” he frowned, looking up from his scarf straight into Lily’s brilliant green eyes.

“You don’t have to apologize for them,” Lily said automatically, but she was still turning Severus’ revelation around in her mind. It’s not that she didn’t pick up on some of this tension--it had never been as overt as what she’d just experienced and she had never heard that word before, but it was obvious there was something stewing below the surface when it came to people’s lineages. Lily just hadn’t realized the scope of it until now--what Severus described sounded like racism, and it felt...strange to be on the other side of it. Not that Lily’s parents _were_ racists--a far cry from it--but they fit neatly into British muggle society. No one had ever questioned her presence or identity before--she’d never experienced the futile frustration and indignity of having to prove to another that she and her family were just as worthy as everyone else.

“Why did you tell me that it didn’t matter?” Lily asked--her tone wasn’t accusatory, but more curious. “I asked you if being Muggle-born made a difference, and you said no.”

“Because it doesn’t make a difference, not really,” Severus shrugged. “You’re going to be a brilliant witch no matter what. You already are.”


	2. Year Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I just want to be able to hang out like...normal people. I feel like we’re in friends limbo,” she explained to Remus. If she was being honest with herself, she also wanted to lure him away from those Slytherin boys--Lily couldn’t help but feel there was something truly wrong and nasty about them all. Yet, she was somewhat embarrassed to admit to this level of scheming.
> 
> Remus frowned and leaned back onto his right arm, “It’s not always easy bringing people together,” he said. “Maybe he’s just meant to be your friend.”

There were few things that Lily loved more than a fall afternoon at Hogwarts. The air was brisk but not yet cold, and the grounds were alive with a vibrant array of reds and yellows as the leaves died off in the most beautiful way possible. The weather left her spirits high, and so Lily was feeling perhaps more optimistic about this afternoon than she really should, as she had invited Severus to come hang out with her and Remus.

Remus, meanwhile, was cautiously open-minded, at best. 

Lily and Severus hadn’t managed to find a very good...rhythm of hanging out in their first year, and she was determined to fix that with the new school year. Lily thought it was mainly because their friend groups really didn’t overlap at all; Severus’ friends refused to even tolerate her, and while Lily’s were polite to Severus, hanging out with him _and_ the girls was always awkward and strained for one reason or another. Lily and Severus had taken to spending time together in private, usually--when they could manage to find time. It wasn’t quite how she’d imagined Hogwarts would be for them--Lily wanted to bring their two worlds together, and she thought Remus might be able to bridge that gap. He was smart and nice and funny in that same quiet, understated way that Severus was. Lily knew, of course, that Severus despised Potter and Black, who were _Remus’_ friends, but she was hopeful that he might not actually hate Remus--that he might even like Remus, if they spent some time together. Then, maybe, the _three_ of them could hang out.

Remus wasn’t as sure about this theory, but he didn’t have the heart to tell Lily. 

The two of them had their parchment and copies of the _Standard Book of Spells (Grade 2)_ open before them, but they weren’t accomplishing much work. It was a Saturday afternoon, and it made them both lazy. Instead, they chatted about _Dr. Who_. 

“How do you know so much about this show, anyway?” Lily asked him, finally. She didn’t know much of anything about Remus’ home life, but she was nearly certain he wasn’t Muggle-born. In large part because she thought she probably would have heard about it by now.

“My mum’s a Muggle,” he explained. “So we have a telly. Sometimes it goes wonky with the magic, but it usually works.”

“So your dad’s a wizard, then?” she asked, and he nodded. 

Lily contemplated this for a moment. They were like Severus' parents, then--but perhaps not _quite_ like them. Although it was just another point of commonality between the two boys, Lily doubted Severus would want to talk about it, and she knew better than to bring it up. 

“How did they meet?” she asked instead. 

“She was going for a walk in the woods one day near Cardiff and ran into a boggart. My Dad heard her screaming, and he chased it away.”

“That’s awfully romantic,” Lily remarked. “Like a knight-in-shining armor.”

Severus stood on the grounds a few yards away from where Lily and Remus were conversing. He eyed the pair bitterly. One year had noticeably hardened Severus. His perception of his fellows students and life in general was beginning to shift. He still loved Lily, of course, but he couldn’t afford to have their friendship publicized any more. He still preferred to be with her most, but being together was becoming increasingly difficult--and now she wanted him to befriend one of Potter’s lackeys.

Admittedly, Severus was aware that Remus wasn’t like Potter and Black--but there were Slytherins and there were Gryffindors.

He approached Lily and Remus with his robes billowing behind him, overhearing the tail end of their conversation.

“Boggarts only frighten people. They can’t physically harm anyone. No heroism or skill is required to face one,” Severus stated. His tone was as stoic as his stance, which left Lily and Remus in his shadow.

Remus was unfazed by Severus’ interruption, he merely shrugged and smiled, “Yes,” he agreed. “Although, my mum didn’t know that at the time. I do think boggarts can be difficult to face when you’re the one they’re focused on, it would take a type of...strength of mind, I’d think, to overcome the delusion. But anyway. That’s how they met,” he explained.

Lily smiled tightly and flashed Severus a warning look: _be nice_ , she seemed to beseech him. “How are you, Sev?” she asked, making room for him to sit next to her.

Severus responded to Lily’s warning with a wry smile but, nevertheless, found a seat next to her on the grass. He shot Remus a wary look as he dug through his bag to recover one of the assignments he was currently working on.

“Well, I’m about a foot and a half into the three foot composition that Binns set us on the International Warlock Convention of 1289. I would be getting on a bit more smoothly writing-wise if the consensus of this convention was historically known.” He rolled his eyes.

“He does this intentionally,” Severus sneered but then suddenly remembered something that had been inspired by Remus’ presence. “I don’t recall seeing you at that lecture, Lupin.”

Remus brightened at the change of topic--this was something he could certainly discuss safely with Severus. He loved history, even if he didn’t exactly love how Binns taught it. Growing up in virtual isolation from the world, there hadn’t been much for Remus to do but read, and he enjoyed history books. Remus opened his mouth to share his thoughts on the Convention, but then, Severus had to breach _that_ topic. He closed his mouth and withdrew--it made him nearly sick with worry that people other than his friends seemed to notice his absences, too. He dared not hope the miracle of James, Sirius, and Peter’s acceptance would be repeated with anyone else. Remus knew how Severus’ friends seemed to feel about Muggle-borns, even if he didn’t quite know what Severus himself thought; he could only imagine what they thought about werewolves.

“No, I--I was at home. My mum...she has cancer, actually. It’s a Muggle disease. Deadly, but it can take months or years, it’s never really clear...so I go home once a month to see her, just in case,” he lied quietly. It was a good lie, because any nervousness, hesitancy, or sudden paleness could be easily attributed to the difficulty of discussing a dying parent. The trouble was, it didn’t quite explain why _Remus_ looked so ill all the time, or why he sometimes turned up with the pale remnants of a healing gash on his face. 

Lily covered her mouth with her hand, her green eyes suddenly wide and mournful. It was the first time she’d ever heard this story--mainly because she never asked Remus where he got off to. Lily didn’t think it was any of her business. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Remus,” she said. “I had no idea…”

Remus shook his head. “It’s alright...I mean, it’s not, but it isn’t your fault, in any case.”

Severus wasn’t so easily convinced by Remus’ explanation simply because he did not trust anyone. Especially Potter and company. He had no interest in pursuing his instincts, however, and attributed the absence to an insignificant, half-baked Potter scheme.

“Very sad, indeed,” he expressed his condolences to Remus with a lucid look that stated _‘you have not fooled me.’_

“Lucky you have such… _good friends_ to support you in times of need.” The shadow of a sneer curled his upper lip and he awaited Remus' reaction. Everyone knew Remus was part of Potter and Black's gang, but Severus was interested to see just how close Remus actually was to them.

The expression on Remus’ face turned from weary to defensive when Severus mentioned his friends. “Yes,” he agreed confidently. “I am very lucky. They’ve been very supportive,” Remus said firmly. He wasn’t sure, exactly, what he was trying to convey--a simple defense of his friends’ characters, or if he was trying to subtly imply that the other three were already in on the secret, so Severus needn’t waste anyone’s time trying to expose it to them. Perhaps a bit of both. Remus knew they weren’t perfect, but they were much better people than most would ever expect; they were better people than even _Remus_ had expected before they had chosen to stand by him so unwavering, giving Remus something he never really expected from anyone but his parents--true, wholehearted acceptance.

Lily observed Remus curiously. She wasn’t entirely sure what had just passed between the two boys, but something did surprise her in the way Remus spoke about the others. Somehow, she couldn’t imagine a friendship with Potter, Black, and Pettigrew as being anything more than superficial, but there was a definite intensity in Remus’ tone and look that begged to differ. 

“Erm, anyway….” Lily said, eager to try and steer the subject away from Remus’ friends--particularly Black and Potter--since this was clearly a topic neither was willing to compromise on. “How’s your essay going, then, Remus?”

“Well, I quite agree with you, Severus, that it seemed rather inconclusive,” he said. “So I’m taking the angle that it demonstrates that inability of international wizarding communities to meet together productively in the middle ages.” 

Despite Lily’s efforts to avoid the topic which revealed the fundamental disparity between Severus and Remus, Severus would no longer see past it. Remus’ attestation to Potter and Black served as a distasteful realization of the truth depth of his allegiance to them. He had no interest in continuing this facade that Lily had forced him to endure.

“What is it that you hoped to accomplish here?” Severus suddenly asked Lily with reproachful glare.

“Did you think we three would become old friends? And one day we would share a laugh as we looked back on our fleeting time as adversaries?” he spat with a cold look that had never been used towards Lily before. “He’s one of _them_ , Lily. Next you’ll be asking me to attend a high tea with Black.”

Lily blushed, but as usual, she didn’t shy away. “Yes, that is exactly what I was trying to accomplish here!” she said, her voice wavering on upset. “Is that so wrong?” she asked. “Silly fights and bickering _shouldn’t_ go on forever, we’re only twelve years old!” Lily pointed out. “And I like you both. We’re all smart and interested in a lot of the same things, so yes, I thought we might get along,” she huffed, then fell quiet, trying not to get too worked up over how badly she wanted this to work out and how openly Severus seemed to be mocking the very idea of it.

“And, no, I _wouldn’t_ be asking you to have high tea with Black, because _I_ don’t like Black either and most certainly won’t be having high tea with him anytime soon!” she sniffed. “But I do like Remus, and I thought since I don’t find it necessary to like the rest of his friends, that perhaps you might not either, but it seems they’re all you can talk about!” 

Remus stayed quiet through this exchange--there were a few things he might have liked to say, namely that while he most certainly was one of _them_ , he was still his own person as well. But Remus didn’t want to further aggravate the situation, so he kept his gaze cast downwards.

“You’ve seen how they treat me,” Severus hissed at Lily with narrowed eyes. It was true that Potter and Black were more likely to instigate their contentious (and typically humiliating) encounters, but Severus certainly was no innocent victim. But he could see it no other way.

“The closer Lupin gets to them, the more likely he is to turn on me. And it’s easier for you to say otherwise--they may irritate you but they never _attack_ you.”

Severus’ heightened paranoia was clear and plain to see. Throughout the past year he had learned to survive on suspicion. He didn’t trust Potter, he didn’t trust his own friends, and in this moment, he was questioning his trust in Lily.

“Yes, I do,” Lily said tersely. “I stand up for you all the time, or hadn’t you noticed?” she asked. Lily could have pointed out that _he_ never stood up for _her_ to his friends, but--truthfully, it bothered Lily too much to even acknowledge aloud. “I’m sure Remus can attest to how ruthless I am to Black and Potter in the privacy of the common room as well.”

“I think you and McGonagall are the only people they’re truly afraid of,” Remus agreed, but all the while, he had been watching Severus curiously. “I’m already very close with them, you know,” he pointed out. “But they can’t force me to do anything I don’t want to, and I _don’t_ want to be involved in any of that stuff between you all, they know that,” said Remus. “I’m...sorry for how they act towards you. It’s not right.”

Severus listened to Lily with a bit more patience now, then surveyed Remus with mild interest as he apologized for his friends' behavior.

“I have noticed…” he mumbled to Lily, looking down, away from her for a moment. Even though Severus hadn’t verbally expressed his sudden uncertainty of trust in Lily, he still felt ashamed for having ever considered it. “But being friends with Lupin would only make things worse.”

He stood up and briskly brushed off his robes as he looked down to Remus. “Perhaps you’re right, perhaps they can’t force you to do anything. But that doesn’t change the fact of how close you are to them. And your apologies won’t change anything.”

For a moment, Severus looked off into the distance out at the sprawling red-orange autumn forest before meeting Lily’s eyes once more.

“I’m sorry, Lily,” he uttered quietly before he turned away from her and walked away, back towards the castle.

Lily could only frown as she watched Severus walk away. When he was gone, she let out an exasperated sigh and flopped onto her back.

“I just want to be able to hang out like...normal people. I feel like we’re in friends limbo,” she explained to Remus. If she was being honest with herself, she also wanted to lure him away from those Slytherin boys--Lily couldn’t help but feel there was something truly wrong and nasty about them all. Yet, she was somewhat embarrassed to admit to this level of scheming.

Remus frowned and leaned back onto his right arm, “It’s not always easy bringing people together,” he said. “Maybe he’s just meant to be your friend.”

“I could never get Sev and Tuney to get along either, no matter how hard I tried,” Lily admitted.

“Who’s that?” Remus asked.

“My sister,” she said, and frowned as she stared up through the tree branches at the gray sky above. Petunia was another one who felt as though she was constantly slipping further and further away. Why couldn’t she hang on to them?

“Why _are_ you friends with them?” Lily asked after a beat. “I don’t mean to be accusatory, I just sort of feel like...you’re all sort of dissimilar, and that’s kind of how it is between Severus and I, and it feels more and more like that everyday.”

Remus had to pause and contemplate it--he had often marveled at this himself, not quite understanding at the beginning why someone as bold and funny and cool as James and Sirius would want to be friends with someone like him--or even Peter, for that matter. “Peter and I probably make more sense, so I think you mean more how the two of us fit in with the two of them,” Remus shrugged. “They’re just...really good friends. Terrible enemies, but good friends,” he explained. “I don’t know, we just all sort of clicked from very early on. They make me laugh and they pull me out of my comfort zone, but they never really expect me to be different or more like them, because...they like me for who I am,” Remus said. 

“That’s kind of how it is for Severus and I, too,” said Lily. “I just wish...that he didn’t care so much what other people think of him--or us.”

“I wish James and Sirius cared a little more about what other people think,” Remus admitted with a tiny smirk. Lily laughed. 

Remus peeked down at her; there was still some lingering regret in her expression. “Let’s go back to the castle--I’ve got some chocolate frogs you can have, and we can play wizard’s chess,” he suggested. 

Lily smiled again, “Alright.”


	3. Year Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She then looked over carefully at Severus, “Are you happy, Sev?” she asked.
> 
> Severus’ eyes rounded a bit when he heard his question turned onto him. He held Lily’s gaze as he contemplated his answer. Happiness was complicated and volatile for Severus, which made it difficult to quantify. But there was a happiness that he was sure of--one that was always unwavering.
> 
> “I am happy when I’m with you.”

The Hogwarts express slowed and eventually came to a groaning halt as it reached Platform 9 ¾ . Lily kneeled on the seat in her compartment with her face pressed against the glass, looking for her parents and sister. Finally, she caught sight of her father’s graying, faded auburn hair and two familiar blondes--it was never hard to spot them, really, in their Muggle clothes. Lily beamed and waved at them enthusiastically--Marlene, Mary, and Dorcas were also squeezed in at the window, waving to their respective families. Lily’s parents caught sight of her gave and waved back enthusiastically; Petunia was clearly sulking with her arms crossed, regarding the wizarding families with open disdain. Lily tried to trick herself into not noticing. 

“Well!” Lily said, bouncing back into her seat. “Our third year, all done. Make sure to write, yeah?” she said to the girls.

“We’ll have to go to another Quidditch match together!” said Marlene.

“And I want to see another Muggle movie,” Dorcas chimed in.

“Just one? I want to see like, twelve!” Mary added.

Lily laughed. “We’ll have to make a list! But yes, let’s do _all_ of those things, I want to see you lot as often as possible,” Lily smiled. She gave each a tight, long hug in turn before they went off their separate ways to find their families.

Heaving her trunk off the train, Lily ran over to her family; her father caught her in his arms, lifting her off the ground. “My Lily,” he said, kissing her cheek. “How we’ve missed you,” he told her, then set her down. 

“Darling,” greeted Lily’s mother, hugging her tightly and kissing the top of her head.

“Mum,” she said fondly. Lily peeked at Petunia over their mother’s shoulder; Petunia’s arms were still crossed and lips pursed.

“Tuney,” said Lily, as brightly as she could manage in the face of her sister’s determined aloofness. “I missed you,” she said truthfully--if, perhaps, foolishly--and hugged her sister, who returned it in the weakest, lamest way possible.

As Petunia quickly let go, Lily spotted Potter, who looked to be with his grandparents. The older woman was hugging him tightly and kissing his cheek. Potter made eye contact with Lily over her shoulder, and suddenly blushed profusely.

“ _Mum_ ,” he groaned. “You're embarrassing me, there are people everywhere. People I _know_.”

Lily was mildly surprised to overhear that these were his parents--then she smirked as his mother pinched his cheeks. “Oh, you think I care that I’m embarrassing you?” Lily heard her ask. “You’re cute,” she retorted, then tried to smooth his hair down, much to Lily’s amusement. “Honestly, James, have you forgotten what a brush is? Why don’t you ever use your father’s potion? He invented it for _your_ stubborn type of hair, you know.”

“ _Mum_ ,” James practically growled, eyes still darting over to Lily, who was full out laughing at this point.

“Ah, the boys nowadays _want_ to look like this, Effie,” explained Mr. Potter. “In _my_ day, it was all about the slicked back look. Very difficult for me to manage,” he said.

“Yeah, well, your day was in the nineteen-teens, Dad. It’s the _seventies_ now.” 

“Is that one of your friends?” Lily’s mother asked, noticing her eavesdropping on the Potters.

“Oh, _no_ ,” said Lily, offended. “No, not at all. Just enjoying seeing him embarrassed is all.”

“That’s not very nice, Lily,” her father remarked.

“Nah, it’s good for him,” Lily insisted. “ _He’s_ not very nice.”

“Oh, there’s Severus,” Lily’s mum said suddenly. “Severus!’ she called, waving.

“ _Mum_ ,” Petunia hissed, alarmed. “Why’re you calling _him_ over here?”

“He’s my friend, Tuney, be nice,” Lily hissed right back.

In stark contrast from Lily’s warm homecoming, after several moments of mild searching, Severus came to accept that his mother was not present on the platform. The sounds and sensations of excitement surrounded him: Exalted families reuniting, trunks dragging and teetering, owls hooting and rattling in their cages. But Severus very much felt as if he were on the outside of all of this joy looking in, disconnected. Her absence wasn’t entirely unexpected--as each year passed Severus’ father became more and more angry, which in turn made his mother more and more dismal.

Severus swallowed this disappointment like thick treacle. He felt very much alienated by how different he felt from everyone else on the platform that day--well, almost everyone. In the midst of his somber, faint-hearted search, Severus’ eyes glimpsed Black approach a towering, skeletal woman with his same black hair and grey eyes. Obviously this was his mother, as indicated by her dark, intricate, custom-made robes and upturned nose. This woman clearly had never even considered wearing muggle clothes a day in her life. 

Black wore a sour, humorless expression as he stood before her. He turned and met Severus’ eye just for an instant. But in that second, Black and Severus shared their first and last moment of sullen understanding.

Severus nearly jumped from surprise when he heard his name being called. He half-expected (hoped, really) to see his mother standing there, but instead his eyes fell upon Mrs. Evans. He sighed a bit as he dragged his trunk towards the Evanses, knowing he’d now have to make up some excuse yet again for his family’s negligence.

“Hello,” he said tonelessly to Mr. and Mrs. Evans. His eyes shifted with disinterest past Petunia, and he avoided making eye contact with Lily entirely. She would know instantly what was going on if he looked at her--she probably already knew.

Lily did, indeed, surmise fairly quickly that Severus’ mother must not have come, and she would never have expected his father to willingly surround himself with all this magic. Petunia probably quite agreed with him in this regard, but their parents left her with no choice but to come.

Even if she hadn’t know, however, her mother's next words would have given it away.

“Hello, Severus, dear,” she smiled. “Have a good year?” she asked warmly. “I ran into your mother the other day at the grocery store, she asked if we’d be able to pick you up from the platform, so you'll be coming with us, dear.”

Petunia looked as if she might be sick, sending imploring looks to her parents--looks which were utterly ignored.

“We were thinking, though, of stopping for lunch in London,” Lily's father said. “Would that be alright with you, Severus, or are you very eager to get home?”

Lily cringed at the cluelessness of her father's question. Of course, Lily was the one who _kept_ him clueless, carefully dodging questions of Severus’ home life for his sake--she was never quite sure if she was doing the right thing in this regard. 

“Yes, my mum’s second-cousin up in Sheffield developed a bad case of mumblemumps.” Severus felt he had used a similar excuse before but he was too disheartened to be creative. 

At Mr. Evans’ invitation, Severus shuddered. All he really wanted was to hide away from the world until September. “That’s fine,” he mumbled. “But is it alright if I wear my uniform? I forgot to pack myself muggle clothes..” In truth, Severus was no longer a little boy and the sad excuse of clothing his parents supplied for him were no longer acceptable for public display. His eyes flicked to Lily and he held her gaze fleetingly.

Lily caught Severus’ look, offering him an uncertain smile--uncertain, because she was worried about it coming across as too sympathetic or pitying, so her face muscles weren't quite sure what she wanted them to do.

“Yes, of course, not a problem at all,” Mr. Evans said easily--Petunia stared up at him in horror and disbelief, yet again.

“Bye, Evans!” James called over, and seemed to regret it as soon as his eyes landed on Snape. Lily coolly ignored him. With his parents there, she guessed he surely wouldn't say anything too snide if he didn't want to hear it from them at home. “Snape,” he mumbled, grabbing both his parents by the elbows and steering them swiftly towards the exit of the platform. 

The Potters were soon joined by the Lupins and Pettigrews who all greeted one another fondly. James gave Sirius a distant, forlorn wave goodbye as the three families made their exit. James’ mum refused to even be in the presence of Sirius’ mother after Walburga had shouted at Euphemia last year about how James was corrupting her son--Mrs. Potter had infamously said she simply wouldn't stand for such disrespect from a mere child like Walburga Black.

Lily watched the three families carefully, trying to set a slow pace so that they wouldn't again be on top of one another. It was easy enough with her parents, who were content to take in as many magical sights as they could. It was Petunia who was the problem, she was walking so fast she was dangerously close to Potter.

Considering how well Severus knew Lily, he rapidly discerned her woes of their proximity to Potter by her behavior. He burst ahead just a bit, then stopped abruptly, allowing himself to back into Petunia. When she stumbled, Severus mumbled a feigned apology, stating something about his truck getting snagged on the pavement.

Although his scheme had left a more expansive margin between them and Potter, the distraction was noticed by Avery and Avery senior who were conversing with Mulciber and Mulciber senior.

“Snape!” Avery called.

Severus groaned and shook his head in disbelief. This was the opposite of hiding from the world. He stepped a few paces away from the Evanses and mixed in a bit with the flowing horde. He thought he might have escaped them once he was out on the street in front of Kings Cross, but, alas, they jogged breathlessly to his side. 

“Where are you going?” Mulciber asked.

“Home. Obviously.”

“By yourself?”

“Yes.”

Severus eyed the Evanses wearily, it was a difficult balancing act--staying close enough to them but not too close to incur suspicion.

“But how do you know the way?” Avery asked with confusion.

Severus rolled his eyes at this question and scoffed. “I’m not even going to dignify that with a response.”

Unfortunately, to Severus’ dismay, Avery then noticed the Evanses nearby. 

“Well, well--it’s the mudblood’s muggle family. They look even more like rubbish than I thought they would,” Avery mocked and Mulciber laughed darkly. 

Luckily, the Evanses were currently distracted by the fact that Black had escaped his mother’s company and now stood next to Lily, since she was the closest person to a friend that he could find--which said a lot about his relationship to all of the other people around them.

“Hi Evans, and other Evansies,” he grinned at all of them with a smile that even at thirteen made most females weep. 

Petunia turned at the greeting and seemed to let go of her enduring hatred of magic for just a moment as she blushed profusely at Sirius’ greeting and smile, “Oh, hello,” she said pleasantly. “Are you a friend of Lily’s? I’m Petunia, her sister” she said, eagerly extending a hand to Sirius.

Lily gaped at her sister as she beheld this incredible display. Normally, Petunia acted as though she was about to catch something contagious and deadly from wizards, yet one look at Sirius and she was sweet as could be. Lily collected herself and snorted. “No,” she said, “This is not my friend.”

Petunia frowned. “Why not?”

“Lily, please. You should be friends with everyone,” insisted their mother. “Hello, dear,” she said to Sirius. “What’s your name?”

Although the Evanses were blissfully unaware of the slurs fired against them, Severus’ gaunt face had turned red with rage at Avery’s insult. He opened his mouth to say something just when Regulus Black joined the little group and interrupted him.

“Mulciber, Avery, your dads are about to apparate without you.” Even though Regulus was a year younger than them, he was more perceptive than those two dimwits combined. Severus might have even liked him if his entire life didn’t revolve around trying to one-up his cleverer, more popular, and even handsomer older brother.

Mulciber and Avery quickly scampered off like roaches to find their fathers without saying another word. Regulus turned back to Severus with a scolding glare. 

“Don’t be stupid,” he warned, gesturing his head towards the Evans family a bit of a ways off just before his mother appeared at his shoulder.

“Where’s your brother?” Mrs. Black asked Regulus coldly, shooting Severus an undeserving glare. Then, like a hawk, she scanned the area and spotted her eldest son with the Evanses.

“SIRIUS BLACK. WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT TALKING TO MUGGLES.”

All of the Evans looked shocked by the sudden outburst--all except for Lily, whose cheeks reddened not in embarrassment, but in anger, as the glint in her eye would surely confirm. Still--this was a tricky situation, Lily didn’t know how to engage combatively with a parent, and even if she refused to let it show through her defiant countenance, Lily had to admit to herself that Sirius’ mother was quite fearsome to behold.

“Excuse me, what did you call us?” Mrs. Evans demanded.

“Oh, don’t mind her,” Sirius explained to Lily and the Evans family, clearly unfazed by the outburst. “She’s not used to being out of her coffin.” With that, he shook Petunia’s still outstretched hand and sulked off with his mother. 

Petunia stared after Sirius in horror, not at all certain if he was joking or not.

Regulus gave Severus one last look before joining his family.

Severus would have sneered at this entire exchange but the combination of his mother’s negligence and his near public defence of the Evans family left him feeling vulnerable and even more somber. He re-joined Lily and turned straight to her parents.

“I’m sorry. I’m not feeling well. I think I’ll just go home. You go ahead to lunch, I can take the knight bus back home.”

Lily’s parents were alarmed by this idea, exchanging looks with one another that clearly said they both agreed they wouldn't allow Severus to go home on his own.

“We don’t need to stop for lunch, I’d really rather you not go home alone, especially when you’re not feeling well and when your mother asked us to pick you up,” Mrs. Evans insisted. “We can go straight home to Cokeworth instead, drop you off, and have lunch there, so it’s no trouble,” she assured him. Mrs. Evans also thought it was ridiculous to expect a thirteen year old boy to make it all the way back from London on his own--to think of all the terrible things that could happen.

Petunia, on the other hand, sneered and frowned deeply as though it was a great deal of trouble indeed.

“Yes. fine,” Severus muttered, keeping his gaze on his shoes.

~~*~~

Severus sat on a less littered area of the grassy bank overlooking the filthy river of Cokeworth. It wasn’t a tranquil or pretty site to say the least. The surrounding area was blanketed in a thick fog caused by the chimneys of the endless identical brick homes that lined the water. Off in the distance, a run-down mill could be seen, rocking uselessly with the wind.

No, this side of Cokeworth wasn’t much to regard, especially in contrast to the majesty of Hogwarts, but this had always been Severus’ place. He would come here to be alone, to escape his volatile home environment. Now, Severus was really just hoping to escape his own thoughts. Tears leaked from his eyes and rolled off of his chin as his thoughts lingered on his mother’s absence and his failure to stand up for his best friend and her family, who had been more welcoming to him than his own parents ever were.

But what would standing up for them have done, really? Would it have shifted anyone’s cemented prejudice? Would it have stopped future cruelty? No, probably not. Certainly, though, it would have destroyed Severus. If the Slytherins turned against him then he would truly be alone.

He tried to distract himself by pulling out his copy of _The Two Towers_ and forced himself to read.

Lily always knew where to look for Severus when she wanted to find him--she knew all his favorite haunts as well as her own; in fact, many of his favorite places were hers as well. The bank by the river wasn’t necessarily one of those mutually beloved spots--Cokeworth in its entirety was fairly grimy--everything seemed to be coated in pollution--but the river had to be one of the absolute grimiest places. Her grandparents could still remember a time when you used to be able to swim in it or take a boat out if the current wasn’t too harsh--those days were clearly long since past. Lily frequently wrote letters and petitions to the city council about the desecration of the local environment, but all they seemed to care about was commerce. 

Still, after she’d gotten home from lunch with her parents and Petunia, Lily had a strong feeling that she would find Severus there. He didn’t seem to be in high spirits, not that Lily could blame him in the least, and the river was a fitting landscape for low-spirited individuals. 

Lily had already changed back into her Muggle clothes--she frequently donned them on the weekends at Hogwarts, anyway, as most non-purist kids did, but she usually added some type of magical accoutrement, even if it was only her robes over them. Now, Lily had no robes on, just a yellow jumper tucked into a plaid skirt, white knee socks, and loafers. 

She spotted the top of Severus’ head first and smiled a bit at her talent for finding him. It felt good to know someone as well as she knew Severus.

“Hey,” she said simply, sliding into the spot on the grass next to him. “Oh, I could really read those again this summer,” she said dreamily, noticing the title of the book. One of the things Lily most looked forward to in the summer was being at liberty to read anything she liked. 

Severus wasn’t in the least surprised when Lily found him. They always knew how to find each other at home. He just wished he had cleaned himself up a bit better before she arrived.

“Yes, I missed them,” he replied, carefully keeping his stare on the pages.

“Sorry for making you come home early…” he went on with melancholy. “I just...Couldn’t be there with so many people around.” He frowned.

Lily shrugged, “It’s okay, I didn’t mind,” she said truthfully. Even if Cokeworth was nothing like the Scottish countryside, or even London, she still always found she genuinely missed home--she liked the familiarity of _their_ favorite restaurant at home and the way her room felt like a new place the first day she got back.

She watched Severus for a minute longer, then looked back out at the river--she could tell he was still upset, and she suspected he may have been crying, but she wasn’t entirely sure about that. She had a strong urge to ask him how he was, but Lily knew that if Severus was actually going to tell her, then he just would, and if she asked, she might scare him off.

“If they would just put a garbage bin here there would at least be _less_ litter,” she remarked instead. “I should write to someone about it--I doubt it will do any good, but I’ll at least have done _my_ part.” Lily’s father was a history and government teacher, and he always tried to instill Lily and Petunia with a strong sense of civic duty. It had worked on Lily, at least.

Severus listened to Lily speak as he stared out at the water. He wasn’t processing what she was saying but the sound of her voice comforted him. It reminded him that they were away from Hogwarts now, away from everything and everyone. Severus didn’t have to be defensive here, he could just be with Lily.

Fresh tears began to well in Severus’ eyes, but this time he didn’t actively hide them from Lily. “She didn’t even look up from the couch when I came in,” he began suddenly, his voice quivering. “She’s so unhappy, I used to make her happy.”

It took all of Lily’s will power not to cry at the sight of Severus crying--it made her profoundly sad just to see him sad, but she needed to be the strong and supportive one now.

Lily wrapped her arm firmly around Severus’ shoulders, leaning her head against his.

“She loves you, Sev,” said Lily. “But it can’t be all on you to make her happy,” she said. “She-- _everyone_ , really, has to find happiness inside of themselves before anything else.” Lily sighed, “But it’s not always so easy to do.”

Severus nodded slowly and wiped his face on the sleeve of his school sweater.

“You’re right, I just--I just wish I could change that for her. I wish I could change a lot of things...” he then broke apart from her just slightly so that he could turn to look at her. “Are you happy, Lily?” 

Lily nodded--of course, she imagined one of the main things he must have wished he could change was his father, though, she didn't say it. Lily couldn't imagine what Severus could really do about him.

She considered the question, then answered with a decisive, “Yes.” Overall, Lily had much to be happy about, she had good friends, good parents, and a good education. “I mean...obviously there are things that bother me,” she admitted. “Like...well, Petunia,” she said, since this was the most immediate thing on her mind. Petunia had sulked the whole ride home and all through lunch. 

“I seem to make her miserable just by being around, and I try _so hard_ to be sensitive and considerate of her feelings. I get why she would be jealous. I try not to go on too much about school and asking her things about her self, but she barely even answers,” Lily said and rubbed her forehead. “We just...used to be so close. I always think I can fix it, but every break I'm less and less sure of that.”

Lily sighed. “Now it probably sounds like I'm _not_ happy, but I am. I try not to let my happiness be affected by things I can't control, and Merlin knows I can't control Petunia.”

She then looked over carefully at Severus, “Are you happy, Sev?” she asked.

Severus’ eyes rounded a bit when he heard his question turned onto him. He held Lily’s gaze as he contemplated his answer. Happiness was complicated and volatile for Severus, which made it difficult to quantify. But there was a happiness that he was sure of--one that was always unwavering.

“I am happy when I’m with you.”

Lily smiled, though she wished he could say he was happy most of the time. She hadn’t exactly expected him to say that, though, and she appreciated the honesty.

“I’m happy when I’m with you, too,” she told him. Lily hesitated for a moment--although she’d always known Severus had a difficult life, she thought he was happier at Hogwarts than he’d just implied. He seemed well-liked by the other Slytherins, and that gave him a certain amount of status at school. Of course, Potter and Black gave him trouble, but Severus always got them back. If he wasn’t fully happy at school, was it to do with his friends?

“Aren’t you happy with Avrey, Mulciber, and Wilkes, too, though?” she asked gently. As much as she didn’t like them and as much as they sometimes made her jealous, when faced with Severus’ unhappiness, she found herself hoping their friendship was genuine. 

“Most of the time,” Severus answered honestly. “But it isn’t quite the same.”

Truthfully, despite the Slytherins' purist hostility, Severus did consider them to be good friends of his. But meeting Lily after years of neglect and cruelty at home had introduced him to true happiness. Nothing else compared.

Lily nodded, feeling better at the reassurance that his friends made him happy. 

“I know what you mean,” she said. “I love Marlene and Mary and Dorcas, but it’s not quite the same either,” Lily agreed. “But maybe it’s not meant to be the same. Childhood friends are something...different, something special,” she smiled. “We’re lucky we were able to stick together.”

Severus smiled a bit sheepishly in response. If it wasn’t for the lack of coloration in his complexion he may have even blushed. It thrilled him to know he was special to her--not that this was news, of course, but still. Hearing it aloud made it all the more real.

“I promise I’ll spend more time with you next year. We’re not little kids trying to fit in anymore, it’ll be different.”

Lily smiled optimistically, choosing to take Severus at his word.

“I’d like that,” she said. “And I’ll be here for you all summer, whenever you need me.”


	4. Year Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He took four long strides towards her without saying anything at all--Marlene fought the urge to step backwards as she stood her ground, lifting her chin slightly in a look that she hoped was defiant.
> 
> “Tell your father that if he doesn’t want something like this happening to his daughter again, he’ll shut his Godric-damned mouth,” Mulciber said, raising his wand. “Or better yet, resign...there’s no place for filthy, half-witted mudbloods in our government,”

Snow was falling in clumps that littered Severus’ black cloak with icy flakes. He didn’t mind the cold very much, though. What he did mind was the abundance of human bodies crowding the narrow streets and shops of Hogsmeade. There was only a week left until the Christmas holiday and so the village was packed and peppered with extra exhilaration. 

Severus stood in front of Honeydukes' showcase window wearing an irritated scowl. He was hoping to enter and purchase Lily a small christmas gift with the limited funds he possessed, but the shop had been so crowded that all he could do was bounce about from body to body. Plus, Potter and Black had barged their way in, and confronting them was sour enough when they weren’t basically on top of one another. He left the shop unaccomplished. 

Mulciber and Avery eventually climbed their way out from the store with their arms filled with assorted candies and treats. They had even begun to shovel handfuls of peppermint toads and bertie bott’s beans down their throats.

Severus eyed them with both humor and envy. He couldn’t fathom having the kind of gold that could allow you to indulge in such gluttony. He couldn’t help but laugh, though. 

“Have you two bought out the store?” he sniggered.

“Not yet,” Avery grinned. “But I’m close to getting my dad to negotiate the deeds with the owner.”

“I’m sure,” Severus smirked.

Avery dipped into his rucksack of sweets and dumped a few boxes of chocolate frogs into Severus’ palm.

“For your secret girlfriend,” Avery snickered.

Severus glanced down at the chocolate before meeting Avery with with a raised brow.

“I don’t have a _secret girlfriend_ ,” he replied firmly.

“Sure you don’t. You’ll just be disappearing off to yet another Slug Club meeting tonight, eh?” Mulciber chimed in.

Severus pocketed the candy in his cloak and left his hands there to keep warm. He had kept his word to Lily this term. At least once each week he dedicated a night to spend with her. It also helped that the two actually _were_ in the Slug Club, which gave them extra time together. Severus had to admit he had been growing sloppy with his excuses for his absences, but he had been so happy being with Lily. He had even been starting to wonder if it were at all possible that she was starting to see him as more than a friend. Stranger things have happened, after all.

“Let’s get out of here. I can’t stand it so packed.”

Severus led them through the crowds of the windy narrow streets back towards the image of Hogwarts, which at such a distance appeared almost completely shrouded in white. All the while he wore a small, happy expression as he replayed those words, _secret girlfriend_ in his mind attached to Lily’s face. They weren’t kids anymore...Severus and Lily would turn fifteen the next month--and they were both spending the christmas holiday at Hogwarts this year. Perhaps things could change…

He had been so lost in his imagination that he failed to notice the small blonde girl walking in the snow just a bit in the distance. They had exited the village by now and had made it to the outskirts of the grounds. The snowfall had picked up, and brought with it a howling wind.

“Oi!” Mulciber called out, pointing to the figure. “Isn’t that one of the Gryffindor mudbloods?”

Avery peered ahead as Mulciber called out, “McKinnon,” he identified. “Half-blood, but just _barely_ ,” he snarled. “Her father is on the Wizengamot, he’s a mudblood and a loud-mouth, doesn’t know his place.”

As if that decided it, Mulciber bent down and made a snowball--then he murmured a spell to harden it and used all the strength and aim he’d gained as a chaser to launch it at Marlene’s head.

With her guard completely down, oblivious to the boys watching her, the snowball took Marlene unaware and collided with her right eye. The impact knocked her clear off her feet and the air left her lungs entirely as she landed painfully on her side. 

“What the _fuck_?” she cursed, panic rising as she tried to open her eye, then touched her fingers gingerly to her eyelids to find that they were already swelling shut. It occurred to her that who’d ever done it was probably still in the vicinity--normally, Sirius and James were the ones who initiated impromptu snowball fights, but she knew from the viciousness of the hit that it hadn’t been them. If they’d hit her in the eye by mistake, they’d already be running over and apologizing, not cackling. 

Marlene spun around in the direction of male voices laughing loudly, her wand now out and pointed. She felt her stomach drop as she saw it was Mulciber’s Slytherin gang.

“What are you lot on about?” Marlene yelled over, trying to sound tough, but it wasn’t so easy with her right eye swollen shut and a tear running down her left cheek from the pain.

Severus witnessed this scene play out with white horror on his face. Lily was friendly with most people at Hogwarts by now, but Marlene was one of her closest friends. Really, they could have picked almost _anyone_ else in the school and this would have been fine--possibly even humorous. 

“You idiot!” Severus called out suddenly, turning to Mulciber with a relentless glare.

Avery suddenly stopped laughing and watched Severus with confusion. “What are you going on about, Snape? She’s a half-blood and a bloody Gryffindor…” he said with astonishment.

Severus turned to Avery with the same glower. “SHE’S LILY’S FRIEND!” he burst out suddenly at both of them. Immediately he regretted this when he saw the blank looks on Avery and Mulciber’s faces. “...Which means she’ll go to Dumbledore,” he hastily added, looking away with embarrassment at his impetuousness. 

Mulciber shrugged indifferently. “Let her. Dumbledore’s a crackpot old fool, let him _try_ and expel me,” he sneered, then turned back on Marlene.

He took four long strides towards her without saying anything at all--Marlene fought the urge to step backwards as she stood her ground, lifting her chin slightly in a look that she hoped was defiant.

“Tell your father that if he doesn’t want something like this happening to his daughter again, he’ll shut his Godric-damned mouth,” Mulciber said, raising his wand. “Or better yet, resign...there’s no place for filthy, half-witted mudbloods in our government,” 

Marlene gasped, her wand now shaking furiously, “ _Loco_ -” she began to say, but Mulciber swiftly beat her to it, muttering something as he sent a stinging jinx right at her face, then blasted her backwards with another swift " _Impedimenta_!"

“Nice one, Mulciber,” Avery smirked.

Marlene landed hard in the snow, painful welts cropping up all over her face, blinding her completely as one sprouted over her left eye. She moaned from the pain to the back of her head, unthinkingly touched her face to assess the damage, only to find the welts hurt worse at the touch.

“That should teach her, and hopefully her rotten father as well,” Mulciber said indifferently. “Let’s go.”

Severus stared down at struggling Marlene with vacant alarm. She needed to be taken to the hospital wing. This was Lily’s friend...she needed help. Without a second thought, he crouched down adjacent to her.

“Don’t--Don’t use your hand...The snow...it’ll hel--”

“SEVERUS. Hurry the bloody hell up!” Avery boomed as the two began to run through the snow back towards the castle.

Severus found himself standing up. He didn’t understand why it was happening...he needed to help Lily’s friend. The antidote was simple...but he needed to take her to the hospital wing…

Although his mind was screaming to stay, his body was already taking him away from Marlene. He grabbed her wand quickly from the snow and shot off red sparks high up into the air just above her. Then, Severus gave Marlene one long apologetic look.

“I’m sorry…” he uttered breathlessly before turning around completely and running away in his friends’ wake.

~~*~~

James was trying to walk and toss pepper imps into Peter and Sirius’ open, willing mouths at the same time, bumping into people as they tried to catch the flying candy--they failed more often than not, leaving a trail of fallen imps that fizzled and let off little puffs of steam as they landed in the snow.

Remus, evidently, was too dignified for this, though he wasn’t too dignified to laugh at the display.

When Peter caught one, smoke emerging from his ears and nose as the mint candy hit his tongue, James let out a triumphant “whoop!” and highfived him.

“Alright, satisfied now?” asked Remus with an amused grin.

“Hardly,” James said, ripping open another imp and tossing the candy in their air. “I’m practicing off-pitch, don’t you know? Shacklebolt is going to love it when he hears.”

“I highly doubt Kingsley is going to love this,” Remus countered with a smirk. 

James was just about to toss the pepper imp over at Sirius when a burst of red sparks in the distance caught his eye.

“Ooooh,” he said, looking up. “Wonder what’s going on over there…”

Sirius’ jaw was still unhinged and tongue outstretched, anticipating the throw when he, too, observed the sparks.

“Dunno, I thought that only happens when Remus lets one rip,” Sirius replied, shooting Remus a rapid smirk, to which Remus rolled his eyes.

Peter, meanwhile, gaped at the sparks with a far more serious expression. “Red means trouble! My mum taught me to do that if I’m ever assaulted!” he squeaked.

Sirius snorted at Peter. “Honestly, Pete, who would ever assault _you_. And you don’t need sparks, all you’d have to do is sit on them.”

Peter ignored Sirius and tugged on James’ jumper. “I mean it, James, _sincerely_! Red means trouble!”

James regarded the sparks wearily--red meaning trouble _sounded_ about right, he had to admit.

“Alright, well, let’s go have a look,” he said. “Even if it’s just a laugh, it’s probably some place we want to be,” James reasoned, and tossed Sirius the last pepper imp. 

Sirius dove for the imp, tumbling into a pile of snow. He emerged cheering with a toothy grin as steam erupted from his ears and nostrils.

They then began to head off towards the sparks. Sirius had taken up the lead, his interest peaked by the investigation. Peter sulked a bit behind. He hadn’t realized that bringing the danger to his friends' attention would make them head _towards_ the danger rather than _away_ from it. Though, he really should have expected that one by now.

The boys made it just outside of the village when they found the source of the sparks. A crumpled body lay writhing in the snow just ahead. A Gryffindor scarf was vibrantly visible in the snow.

Sirius’ intrigue instantaneously hardened into alarm when he absorbed the shape before them.

“What the…” he began, meeting James with a disconcerting stare. “...That’s a student!”

James frowned, his brow furrowed deeply as he met Sirius’ look. He took a step closer, as Remus knelt down in the snow next to the girl. James kneeled beside him.

The girl’s face was so swollen and covered in welts, it was hard at first to tell who it even might be. 

Remus peered a little closer, then turned back suddenly to look at his friends. “I think it’s Marlene,” he said.

James started and jumped back to his feet--for a terrifying moment, he watched as Marlene stopped moving, and he thought she might be dead--her face was so bloated and puffy, she looked like she’d drowned and washed ashore.

But then, Marlene let out a whimper. 

“What happened to her?” Remus asked quietly, his eyes still wide from the shock.

James shook his head, “It looks like dark magic, whatever it was was clearly violent. I don't know a spell that could've done that,” he said grimly. 

“Don’t worry, Marly. It’s James and Remus and Sirius and Peter. We’re going to get you help,” James assured her, snapping back to his senses. He pointed his wand at her and murmured, “ _Wingardium Leviosa,_ ” and she floated up easily. Marlene kicked her legs limply, as if resisting the magic. James kept his wand trained on her so that she didn’t float too high up.

“Grab her arms to steady her,” he instructed. “Then let’s go.”

Remus nodded, wrapping one of Marlene’s arms around his neck and holding it against his shoulder as she floated beside him.

Sirius rested Marlene’s free arm around his shoulder and held her lame wrist in his hand. He surveyed her injuries with a grave expression as they began to trudge through the snow. 

“I’ve heard of dark jinxes like this. My cousin Bellatrix would go on and on about them. Never heard of her actually _using_ one on a student at school, though--and she’s a maniacal loon.”

He turned his stare to James. “You know who did this.”

James followed at a brisk pace behind them, keeping the spell on Marlene. He glanced away from his wand for only a second, expression livid as he met Sirius’ eye. 

“Snape, most definitely,” he agreed, looking away as he turned his focus back to his wand work and keeping Marlene steady and afloat. Snape and his whole lot were dark arts fanatics, and as much as James despised them, he had to admit it would take someone pretty skilled at jinxes and magic in general to do a thing like this. Snape easily fit that criteria. 

“Why _Marlene_ , though?” James asked angrily. “She doesn’t give them shite,” he said, shaking his head. “Those bloody jerks probably just wanted someone to try it on.”

“I grew up knowing loads like Snape,” Sirius explained darkly as they approached the main entrance of the castle. He reached into his back pocket to retrieve his wand then flicked it towards the door, which made it burst open. 

“Blood is their excuse for everything.”

~~*~~

Lily was frantic as she made her way through the hallway towards the Gryffindor common room, Mary and Dorcas walking swiftly at her sides. Marlene had never made it to the Three Broomsticks where they were all supposed to meet for lunch; this in and of itself wouldn’t have been so alarming, but Lily had heard rumors earlier that Black and Lupin and the rest had carried a girl back to the castle who was so badly jinxed or hexed as to look unrecognizable. She couldn’t be sure it was Marlene, but she had a sickening feeling that it was.

Tumbling out of the portrait hole, Lily was met with a somber common room. Potter was there with the rest of his crew, but he was also surrounded by several members of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, Kingsley Shacklebolt looking both grave and angry at once.

“What’s happened?” Lily asked, looking between Potter, Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew. “Is it Marlene? Tell me you didn’t do something ridiculous.”

“Evans…” James said sympathetically, knowing she didn’t yet realize the severity of the spell. “This wasn’t us. We’d never do something like that to Marlene, she’s my friend and teammate, too,” he said, taking a breath. “It was dark magic.”

Dorcas covered her mouth with her hands. 

“Is she okay?” asked Mary. “Who did it? It wasn’t...one of those Death Eaters, was it?”

Remus had stood up from his seat on the couch the moment the girls walked in. He frowned as he looked to Mary, Dorcas and Lily. His gaze steadied on Lily.

“She’s in the hospital wing now. Madam Pomfrey said she’s going to be alright,” he explained firmy to all three. “And we don’t know with certainty who cast the jinx yet--”

“Yes we do!” Sirius suddenly spat as he jumped up from his armchair by the fire. The entire common room (including the lion portrait on the mantle) all turned to watch him.

Sirius approached Lily with his arms crossed. “We all know who is best at hexes and jinxes in the school. And who would target a Gryffindor girl with some muggle lineage,”

“Sirius…” Remus frowned, attempting to interject.

“It was Snape,” he finished sternly.

“It was _not_ Severus,” Lily said hotly. 

Mary and Dorcas exchanged a glance behind Lily’s back--they didn’t look so convinced.

“Lily…” Dorcas began tentatively. “He _does_ fancy the dark arts.”

“It. Wasn’t. Severus,” Lily insisted through gritted teeth.

“How can you know that?” demanded James.

“How can _you_?” Lily spat right back.

“Alright, settle down you lot,” Kingsley said in his firmest Quidditch captain voice. “Whoever did this will be found out soon enough, and they will face the consequences,” he said, then cast a pointed look at James and Sirius, “ _From Dumbledore_ ,” clarified Kingsley. “It’s not up to any of you to play auror.” He turned to this rest of his team for support--they offered some half-hearted nods as if they weren’t quite on board with the let-the-adults-figure-it-out plan.

“Yeah, alright,” said James in a tone that plainly said he wasn’t actually on board _at all_. Kingsley glared. 

Sirius gave Kingsley an unforgiving glare of his own before he stormed out of the common room and disappeared up the spiral staircase to the boy’s dormitory. The sound of a door slamming was heard moments after.

Remus sighed and turned back to Lily, Dorcas, and Mary. “Madam Pomfrey says you can visit her in the morning. She’s going to be okay,” he assured them.

Lily’s jaw tensed as Sirius stormed upstairs. She leveled a look at Potter that could make even a grown man cower.

“Don’t make this worse,” she told him fiercely, then headed up to her own dorm with her friends behind her. 

“James,” said Remus imploringly, but more gently than Lily had. He shook his head in response. Remus could tell just from his look that this wasn’t the end of it. He followed James upstairs, with Peter trailing behind them. Remus was sure he and Sirius would start plotting tonight, and he’d try to stop them, but Remus didn’t expect that he’d succeed.

~~*~~

Lily, Mary, and Dorcas were up at the crack of dawn--none of them had slept very well, not with Marlene’s bed empty. The girls dressed and killed some time in the common room, staring gloomily into the fire as they waited for the clock to strike an hour they thought Madame Pomfrey would deem acceptable. They settled on seven-fifteen, then headed out.

None of them spoke as they made their way to the Hospital Wing--they were too tired and raw from a long night of worry, frustration, and anger to talk. 

Once they entered the Hospital Wing, they could see that Madame Pomfrey looked much the same. Her face was grave and pale, as if she hadn’t slept well herself. Madame Pomfrey had seen no shortage of gruesome injuries in her tenure at Hogwarts--mainly from the barbaric sport of Quidditch, though. She’d rarely seen a student do something so vicious to another student. Madame Pomfrey had noticed with more than a little bit of alarm that attacks on students by other students seemed to be on the rise ever since the creed and deeds of the Death Eaters and their infamous leader had made their way into the public consciousness--the students were channeling this violence and division into their own lives, Pomfrey thought.

“Ms. Evans, Macdonald, Meadowes,” she said by way of greeting. “I trust you’re here to see Ms. McKinnon?” asked Madame Pomfrey.

The girls nodded.

“I’ve just administered a potion, so she’s up, but she very badly needs rest. I’ll give you a few minutes, though,” she said.

“Thank you, Madame Pomfrey,” Dorcas said, and the girls made their way over to Marlene’s bed as Madame Pomfrey pulled the curtains back.

Lily was shocked by what she saw, and this was actually an improvement from the state she’d been in originally. There were still some welts and swelling across Marlene’s face, but it’d gone down considerably overnight.

“ _Marlene_ ,” Lily said, her voice tight. She sat down in the chair beside her friend and took her hand. 

Marlene’s eyes welled with tears when she saw her three best friends approach her. She quickly blotted her eyes gently with a soft towel before the tears could further irritate her skin.

“It’s much better now..” she assured them, though her voice was shaky. “Madam Pomfrey says the swelling will go down in a day or so. And it mostly doesn’t hurt anymore,” Despite the trauma of her injuries, Marlene was much more concerned about assuaging her friends' anxieties. 

“I hope you all weren’t too worried--I’m fine, really,” Marlene explained, but couldn’t quite meet the girls’ eyes as she spoke.

Dorcas tossed her braids over her left shoulder so that they wouldn’t brush Marlene’s face, then wrapped her firmly into an embrace.

“We’re so glad you’re okay,” she told her, then pulled back. The three girls looked between one another carefully--none of them quite wanted to upset Marlene by having to relive what happened, but it seemed important to know the truth.

“What happened, Marlene?” Lily finally asked, cautiously. 

Marlene’s expression grew a bit weary at the question but she nodded.

“My head's gone foggy…” she explained with a slight frown. “I remember leaving the castle to meet you three...and the next thing I remember is Potter and Black standing over me in here.”

Marlene looked off into the distance as she poured through her available memory. “I think I remember something else though…” she uttered quietly.

“I remember a voice, someone talking to me. They were scared--maybe trying to help me. I think...”

She turned, looking right at Lily now. “...I think it was Severus.”

Lily didn’t know whether to feel relieved or horrified--she settled on feeling both simultaneously. For Marlene to confirm that Severus was there at all made her feel sick--how could he allow this to happen? But then, if he really was helping her...maybe he’d just gone to get a professor. Maybe he hadn’t just left Marlene there.

“Well…” Lily began uncertainly, feeling Dorcas and Mary’s gazes upon her. “I’ll talk to him. We have to figure out who did it,” she resolved. “Whoever did this can’t just get away with it.”

“I’m sorry, Lily,” Marlene frowned, she knew how much Severus meant to Lily--they all did. Even though Marlene, Dorcas and Mary were always wary of him, none of them wanted Lily to be hurt. 

“I’m sure he left for a good reason…” she added.

~~*~~

Lily couldn’t get Marlene’s revelation off her mind. She knew the day would be wasted until she could speak with Severus, so after Madame Pomfrey had shooed them away, Lily ate a half-hearted breakfast with Mary and Dorcas, then set off to find Severus.

Just like when they were back home at Cokeworth, Lily usually knew where to find Severus when she needed him. It was a quiet Sunday morning, and it would be even quieter in the library as the rest of the student body had already slumped into the winter break stupor, forsaking their studies for long lie-ins in bed or snowball fights out on the grounds. An empty library was, perhaps, Severus’ favorite spot in all of Hogwarts.

As she entered the library, she found it just as she expected--there wasn’t a soul around apart from Madame Pince, who guarded over the empty stacks like a sentry nonetheless. Lily softened her tread so as to not disturb the librarian.

The library had a blue-ish, wintry tint as the morning sun bounced off the snow and cast a glow through the tall windows. 

Lily walked deeper into the library, knowing she wouldn’t find him right up front; surely enough, she found him at a table near the partition of the forbidden section.

“Severus,” Lily said urgently, standing beside him. “We need to talk.”

The incident with Marlene had lasted mere minutes and yet each moment, each detail had been spinning in Severus’ mind since the very instant he left her behind. His shame over leaving Marlene had refused to let up, even after he heard that she had been found and brought to the hospital wing shortly after his departure.

Nevertheless, in abandoning Marlene, Severus had made his decision. It was a cowardly one, which he had to admit, but he was now committed to it. And besides, the girl was going to be fine. He was familiar with the jinx and knew that the symptoms were treated early enough so that there would be no residual scarring.

Severus looked up from his _Numerology and Gramatica_ text and faced Lily, expressionless.

“Yes, I’m sure we do,” he replied calmly, gesturing to the chair beside him. “I was sorry to hear about Marlene. How is she?” 

Lily remained standing. She was taken aback slightly by the blank stare and how he seemed to know precisely what it was that she wanted to talk about. Then again, Lily supposed he would _have_ to know.

“She’s doing better. Healing,” she said, not quite meeting Severus’ eye. Lily paused for a moment, bracing herself for what she had to ask him, and the fact that she might not like the answer.

“Marlene said you were there,” Lily told him. “She said she thought you might’ve been trying to help,” she clarified. “If you were there, you must have seen who did it,” Lily pointed out. She didn’t quite accuse Mulciber outright, but she thought it was fairly likely it was him. There was Avery and Wilkes, too, but she didn’t think either of them capable of the type of magic used against Marlene. 

Severus managed to suppress the alarm in his countenance when Lily told him that Marlene remembered him. He sniffed to give himself a moment to gather his thoughts. Many jinxes and hexes cause disorientation, and clearly Marlene had suffered severe memory loss. There was no sound evidence in a muddied memory.

“I wasn’t there, Lily,” he explained firmly with a frown, using his ability to mask his emotions against her. “Dark jinxes like hers often cause confusion and memory loss. I was in the village getting you a Christmas present, actually.”

Lily frowned, clearly still uncertain--she wasn’t sure to feel guilty for accusing Severus of something when he was getting her a gift...or if she should stand her ground, because she frankly wasn’t quite sure that he was telling the truth that he wasn’t there.

“It was the only thing she remembered,” said Lily. “I’d prefer that you tell me the truth--maybe you are--but Marlene said you were trying to help her. I’d like to know the rest of the circumstances, though” she said. “Where was Mulciber, for instance?” Lily asked, arching an eyebrow. “Not many students are capable of that type of magic.”

Severus sighed quietly. This was really stretching the limits of his loyalty to Mulciber. He really couldn’t stand lying to Lily, especially over something that had outraged him. Honestly, he just wished he could apologize to her for being a coward--but he felt it was too late for that now.

“He was with me.. I’m sorry, Lily.” His frown deepened. “I wish I could help.”

“Well, I sure hope they figure out who did it,” Lily said, folding her arms over her chest. “Because you’ve heard that Potter and Black found Marlene, right?” she asked. “They’re hell bent that _you_ did it, of course. Black stormed up to their dormitory that very night with Potter close behind, they’re probably already plotting.” 

Lily leaned in close to Severus, locking eyes with him. “I am unwaveringly, whole-heartedly _positive_ you didn’t do this, and I told Black and Potter that in front of virtually all of Gryffindor,” she told him. “But I am _not_ positive that Mulciber didn’t do it. If you tell those two, or let _me_ tell them, they’ll redirect to him, I’m sure of it.” Lily leaned back. She felt vaguely uncomfortable--this felt an awful lot like blackmail, but it was _true_. Black and Potter were going to come after him for something she was sure Severus didn’t do...even if he was, perhaps, a bystander. 

Severus kept Lily’s stare, even though he really just wanted to escape into his book. His anxiety slipped through his stoic demeanor when Lily revealed that he was on Potter and Black’s hit-list. It wasn’t surprising, all things considered, but he had no desire for that kind of attention from those two.

He swallowed hard and slid his quill nervously between his fingers. 

“Tell them I said that If they’re looking for the truth they might want to have a chat with Mulciber,” he suggested, looking miserable. “But they will keep my name out of this.”

Lily finally slumped into the seat across from Severus, still watching him carefully. “I’ll tell them, and I’ll try to get them to back off on you. Maybe Marlene will tell them she thinks you tried to help,” she said. Lily pressed her forehead into the heels of her palms. She just sat like that for a moment, letting her hands carry the weight of both her head and her thoughts inside of it. She was exhausted--Lily had barely slept since the night before, sick with worry for Marlene.

“ _Did_ you help?” Lily asked again, thinking perhaps that Severus might be more inclined to honesty now.

Severus’ eyes flashed with irritation at Lily’s question. “I’ve told you too much already,” he spat bitterly before abruptly standing up. He violently shoved his belongings into his bag and gathered his books in his arm. After taking a few steps away from Lily, he stopped.

Lily practically launched herself around in her chair; _I’ve told you too much already_. What was _that_ supposed to mean? Lily’s mouth was open, ready to pose that very question, her face twisted in indignation--then, Severus continued.

With his back towards her, he frowned--tears gathered in his eyes. “I didn’t do enough,” he admitted with despair before he disappeared behind the sea of bookshelves. 

Severus was gone before Lily even had a moment to gather her thoughts. He’d all but admitted it to her. Lily turned back around in her seat to face the table again, then she quite simply lowered her forehead to the wood, her arms still lying limply in her lap.

She didn’t know whether to feel relieved that Severus had at least helped, or furious that he’d let it happen at all--and above all, she didn’t know if maybe Severus was right and he _hadn’t_ done enough. How ever he’d helped Marlene, he didn’t pick her up and carry her back to the castle. He’d left that for someone else to do, and left Marlene in the snow in the meanwhile. Still, Lily knew she’d defend him from Potter and Black, anyway. She knew she’d try to get Marlene to talk to them, too, and Lily also knew that Marlene would probably do it.

Lily turned her head so that her cheek was now resting on the table--another thing she knew was that she was very, very tired.


	5. Year Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I need to speak with Lily…”
> 
> Mary scoffed, “You think she _wants_ to talk to you?” she asked. 
> 
> Severus grimaced, “No. Which is why I’ve been standing out here all night. But I _need_ to speak with her. “I never intended for that to happen earlier…” he said, furrowing his brow. “I didn’t mean it. She needs to know…”

The castle was dark and eerily quiet this time of night; Mary knew better than to assume that meant no one was lurking. As many a sorry Hogwarts student knew, you never heard Mrs. Norris or Filch coming until they were upon you and it was too late. Mary had resorted to trekking all the way back from the Ravenclaw common room to Gryffindor in just her stocking-clad feet in order to avoid attracting the attention of Filch and his feline comrade. She had completely lost track of time snogging and occasionally conversing with her boyfriend, Dirk Cresswell, when she’d yelped at the realization that it was well after hours and she had half a castle to traverse. Mary had _insisted_ that he meet her on _her_ turf next time. It wasn’t that Mary was such a stickler for rules, but her Gryffindor courage just didn’t stretch as far as confronting Filch in a dark corridor. 

Mary could barely contain her joy when she turned a corner and spotted the Fat Lady with still no sign of Filch stalking about. Her dark, curly hair bounced with her steps as she practically broke into a run for the portrait--and then just barely missed crashing into a dark figure she hadn’t noticed standing there.

For as careful as Mary had been all this way, she couldn’t keep herself from letting out an audible gasp. 

Her face darkened as she realized who it was--Severus Snape. She was still furious at him for calling Lily the m-word earlier. In fact, that was one of the things she’d talked at length about with Dirk, who was Muggle-born himself; Lily was such a tireless, devoted friend to Severus, and this was how he thanked her. Mary had wanted to punch Snape in that big nose of his for treating her the way he did, and she couldn’t bring herself to feel the least bit sorry for him for what Potter did, not after her shouted at Lily like that in front of everyone. Mary had never quite thought Snape deserved Lily, since he hadn’t once stood up for her the way she did for him, and this afternoon had proved her right.

Not to mention, Mary was still angry with his mate Mulciber after he’d just recently cornered her in the corridor a few weeks ago and tried to put some type of curse on her that she didn’t even recognize. It had only half-worked and hadn’t done much harm before Mary managed to get away, but the _intent_ had been there, and Mary wouldn’t soon forget it or ever look upon those boys too kindly again. Honestly, she hadn’t had much sympathy for any of them after what happened to Marlene last year, but she was really and truly fed up now.

Mary dropped her shoes to the ground and stepped back into them. She felt more confident facing off with Severus Snape with her shoes on.

“What are you doing here?” she spat, crossing her arms over her chest, her wand visibly out and laced between her right-hand fingers. Mary didn’t trust the lot of them anymore. 

Severus wasn’t usually one for arguing with portraits. The fat lady, however, was making it very difficult for him to remain level-headed. He’d been standing before her portrait for over an hour by this point. He wasn’t trying to get in or anything, he just wanted her to jump into another portrait in the common room and let Lily know he was outside.

Lily had been ignoring him ever since he accidentally called her a mudblood in front of Potter and Black. He had tried to reason with her that he of course hadn’t _meant_ it, but she still had been very angry. Severus couldn’t blame her, really. He felt terrible for his mistake--but that’s what it was, a mistake.

He sighed with relief after he spun around and saw Mary. In other circumstances he would have sneered at her sneaking in late with no shoes, but the sight of a Gryffindor meant he could stop bickering with the fat lady.

“I don’t understand how you Gryffindors deal with such an insufferable portrait every day,” Severus said bitterly, shooting the Portrait a glare.

“I need to speak with Lily…”

Mary scoffed, “You think she _wants_ to talk to you?” she asked. 

Severus grimaced, “No. Which is why I’ve been standing out here all night. But I _need_ to speak with her. “I never intended for that to happen earlier…” he said, furrowing his brow. “I didn’t mean it. She needs to know…”

Mary’s eyebrows shot up halfway to her hairline. “You didn’t _mean_ to call her the m-word?” Mary asked. “It’s not like you missed sending a hex at Potter and hit her by mistake, she’d probably forgive that easily enough. You yelled profanities at her,” she pointed out. Mary tilted her head to the side in a look of utterly sarcastic curiosity. “And tell me, how does one _accidentally_ shout purist slurs at their friends, anyway?” she asked. 

Severus’ expression turned to a scowl as he listened to Mary.

“Look,” he said irritatedly. “It’s not _you_ I need to explain myself to. I’ve known Lily since we were kids. We’ve grown up together. I love her…like family,” his sharp look faltered on that last bit.

“I _never_ wanted to hurt Lily. I’m ashamed for what I did. I need to talk to her. Just tell her that I’ll be right here waiting. I don’t care if she makes me wait all night. I’ll sleep out here if I have to!”

“Shhhhh!” Mary hissed as he raised his voice. Mary looked down the hallway for a moment, then back at Severus. “You’ll attract Filch!” she whispered urgently, then regarded Snape for a long moment. She didn’t want to get in trouble because of him--Filch could turn that corner right now and catch the both of them. She _could_ just head into the common room and not say a word to Lily, but then Mary realized Snape could tell Filch about her midnight excursion if he did turn up, which surely he would if Snape _really_ stayed here all night.

“Alright,” Mary said finally. “I’ll tell Lily you’re out here with no intention of leaving,” she agreed. “But I am _not_ letting you into that common room. Lily can decide for herself what she wants to do,” Mary said, then turned to the Fat Lady.

“Oh! Hello, there. Yes, don’t mind me, dear, wouldn’t want to interrupt your bickering, I was only just trying to get my beauty rest, after all,” the Fat Lady grumbled.

Mary ignored her and whispered the password as quietly as possible so that Severus wouldn’t hear.

Regretfully, Mary climbed the stairs to the fifth year girls’ dormitory. Once she entered, Mary spotted Lily’s familiar form, curled up on her side. Mary sat down on her bed and placed a hand gently on Lily’s shoulder.

“Lils. You up?” she asked.

Lily responded and turned quickly enough for Mary to know she hadn’t really been sleeping. Even in the dull moonlight, Mary could tell her eyes were red and puffy. It was an unnerving sight--there was so little that shook her bold, confident friend, and she hadn’t quite let on in front of everyone exactly how upset she was--clearly she’d just saved it for later, though.

“Lily...I’m sorry to even bother you with this, but Snape is outside the common room, he says he’ll sleep out there if he doesn’t get to talk to you tonight.”

Lily rolled over onto her back and pressed her palms into her eye sockets. For a moment, she just lied there, saying nothing. Mary wouldn’t blame her in the least if she refused to go, but then Lily sighed and sat up. 

“Fine,” she said. Lily took her wand from her nightstand and pointed it at her cupped left palm. “ _Aguamenti_ ,” she murmured, then dropped the wand quickly to basin the water; she splashed what collected there on her face. Certainly, Lily could have washed up properly in the bathroom, but she wanted to be done with this as soon as possible. 

Lily exited the common room still in her dressing gown without another word. She stepped through the portrait hole, then threw open the door and gazed down at Severus before she fully descended. Lily was sure her eyes were still puffy, but the raw, vulnerable expression Mary had seen was gone now. She regarded Severus with a look of cool defiance. She crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow, not even bothering to ask what he wanted. 

She knew. He wanted forgiveness, and she wasn’t sure she could give it this time.

Severus’ eyes widened when Lily appeared and they followed her anxiously as she came towards him. He realized she had been crying, which was very much unlike her. Severus couldn’t recall the last time he saw her upset like this.

“Lily…” he began dejectedly. 

“I’m so ashamed with myself,” he continued with tears beginning to gather in his eyes. “I know you’re upset...I know you’re hurt. I never meant to hurt you, I never _wanted_ to hurt you. I know it doesn’t mean much, but I’m so sorry.” He shook his head miserably and stared down at his shoes.

“You’re my best friend.”

Lily cracked at those words and the tears came again. She wiped them away furiously, but they wouldn’t stop coming.

“Th--that’s what I always thought you were,” she choked out. “My best friend, but--” Lily took in a heaving gasp of air as she looked at him. She had to fight a part of herself that just wanted to forgive him, that didn’t want to lose him, but Lily knew she couldn’t forgive that word, not when it wasn’t the only thing that indicated a strong sympathy for purism.

“My best friend would _never_ call me that. My best friend wouldn’t tolerate, much less befriend and defend people--people who don’t even think I deserve to be here, that I shouldn’t even exist!” she cried.

Severus listened to Lily with his expression becoming desolate and grief-stricken. For a moment he became so inundated with despair that he couldn’t get words passed his arid throat. 

“Lily…” Severus uttered quietly as a few tears escaped down his cheek.

“You’re--you’re my family,” he stuttered, blinking tears away. “I love you…”

“Then why didn’t you choose me over them?” Lily asked him, tears streaking her face. “Because I _always_ chose you. I always stood up for you, no matter who I was up against, whether it was Potter and Black or even _my_ friends, and you--you _never_ stand up for me.”

“Lily,” Severus replied, sounding desperate now. “You’re right, please...things will be different from now on. I promise…” he begged as he reached for her hand.

“I’ve been a coward--but nothing matters to me more than you…”

“This isn’t the first time you’ve said that,” Lily pointed out. She’d heard some iteration of it every year, in fact. “And you _say_ I matter more than anything to you, but your actions don’t demonstrate that. Your actions speak quite clearly that power, status, and the Dark Arts mean a _great deal_ to you,” she said, her voice shaking. 

“I can’t do this anymore,” said Lily, her voice cracking. “I need to stand up for _myself_ , Severus, and I can’t tolerate and I can’t forgive what you called me. Not with You-Know-Who and his followers _murdering_ people like me!” Lily said, then spun around on her heels and rushed back into the Gryffindor common room before she could cave, before she could forgive him.

Lily didn’t even make it to the common room. Exhausted, she collapsed onto the couch and sobbed into one of the scarlet pillows.

After Lily’s departure, Severus stood staring at the closed entrance to the Gryffindor common room for several minutes. His devastation was so plain to see that even the fat lady took pity on him.

“You should head back to your dormitory, dear,” she suggested with a frown.

The fat lady’s voice pulled Severus up from the depths of grief back to reality. He wiped his sticky, wet face with his sleeve before he turned around.

After a moment or so of walking away, Severus turned back to the portrait one last time to be sure that Lily wasn’t coming back out. But the entrance remained closed. He stifled a sob as he turned away and disappeared down the corridor.

~~*~~

Incredibly, Severus and Lily were not the last to bother the Fat Lady that night.

“TROLL BOGGIES!” James yelled for the fifth time at the snoring Fat Lady. She finally awoke with a startle.

“Who’s there?” she demanded. “I’ve had enough late night visitors for one evening thank you very much!” The Fat Lady squinted at the empty space before her. “Ah, the phantom students again,” she remarked.

“ _Troll boggies_ ,” Remus reiterated this time, and finally, the enchantment on the Fat Lady’s portrait activated and swung open.

It was a quarter past three in the morning, and the common room was completely empty. With a flourish, James whipped the invisibility cloak off the four of them. They’d successfully unearthed yet another secret passageway out of the castle. Though it had taken them ages to find their way back, all were in agreement that it’d been well worth the effort--well, perhaps all but Peter, who hadn’t spoken or stopped shaking the entire time.

“We’ll have to add it to the map!” Remus said excitedly. Exploring the castle was the type of mischief Remus relished; he wasn’t exactly the voice of reason everyone made him out to be. Remus could break a hundred rules in one night, he just didn’t enjoy anything mean-spirited.

“Yeah,” said James distractedly--now that the excitement was over, his mind had returned to the topic it’d be dwelling on earlier. “Yeah, okay, but like, so--why did Lily get so mad at _me_?” he asked as they climbed the steps to their dormitory. “ _I_ didn’t call her a you-know-what.”

Remus groaned, “James,” he said as they entered the common room. “You can’t _seriously_ still be on this.” Remus collapsed onto his bed, the exhaustion beginning to seep in now that the adventure was over and James once again rambling about his needlessly complicated love life--or lack thereof.

“If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times," Remus continued. "Lily is _friends_ with Severus. I know, because she has _told me_. If you fancy her that much, then stop going at it with him.”

James scoffed. “I do _not_ fancy her,” he protested. “I’m just _saying_ , like, she acted as if _I_ was the bad guy this afternoon! And what did she mean she’d rather go to Hogsmeade with the giant squid than with _me_?” he asked indignantly.

Remus rolled his eyes so aggressively, they nearly rolled back into his head. He scooped up his pajamas and toothbrush and headed for the bathroom. “I’m going to bed.”

Sirius typically demonstrated limited patience towards the repetitious musings of most people. James--fortunately for him--was not considered to be _most people_. But that didn’t necessarily mean that Sirius would be understanding.

He strode across the room and sat on the window sill adjacent to his record and dust covered desk. Then he pushed open the window to allow some of the late-night breeze into the sweltering dormitory.

“Maybe you’re not her type,” he replied with a smirk subtly curling at the corner of his lips as he tugged off his dirtied shirt.

“Maybe she prefers greasy wankers with unfathomably large noses.”

Peter, meanwhile, collapsed onto his bed across from Sirius without bothering to change his rancid clothing.

“She’d be lucky to have you, really,” Peter told James with a sheepish smile.

Peter’s need to kiss James' arse even in such a state of severe exhaustion sent Sirius’ eyes rolling exaggeratedly. In response, he summoned over a large bottle of firewhiskey with the flick of his wand and began to pour it down his throat.

“I _don’t_ fancy her!” James reiterated. “So it doesn’t matter if she’s my type, or if she’d be lucky,” he said, but his voice softened and he flashed Peter a look of deep appreciation, before looking defensively back over at Sirius, “I was just _saying_ , I didn’t think that was really fair of her.”

“ _Mmmmm_ ,” Remus responded pointedly as he re-entered the dormitory. “Well, on that note, _good night_ ,” he said, waving his wand over his curtains and muttering a sound-blocking charm, because he got the feeling this conversation might not be over just yet. 

Sirius eyed Remus with envy as he watched him turn in. Being the best friend came with certain obligations such as suffering James’ perseverative denial.

He took another extra-elongated swig from the bottle before staring at James with an expression that was mixed with frustration and boredom.

“What’s it to you then? She calls me a pretentious twat on a daily basis. You don’t see me goin’ on about it,” Sirius asked in a sleepy voice, testing James’ logic.

“Since you don’t fancy her, of course,” he added, cocking his eyebrow.

“Because!” James burst--and for a long while, that’s all he could come up with. “ _Because_ ,” he finally continued, this time his tone lowered, but more insistent, “She’s got no right to call _you_ that, either, and doesn’t she _see_ what dreadful, purist scum Snape and Mulciber and all the rest are?” he asked, clearly exasperated. 

Sirius attempted to move the conversation along by slipping down from the window sill and into his bed. He threw the covers over his back and tossed his trousers out onto the floor.

“Honestly, mate, I’ve lost count of how many people have called me a pretentious twat. So I probably am one,” he sniggered as he rested his cheek on his forearm, looking over at James.

“Of course she sees them,” he continued, more serious now--but still irritated. “She was obviously upset when Snape called her that.” He yawned loudly. 

“I still want to punch him for that,” James grumbled as he kicked his pants off and pulled a clean shirt on--James never really had any qualms about changing in front of people, he did it often enough after Quidditch practice. Plus, Sirius was like an extension of himself. 

“Like, I don’t even want to hex him, I just wanted to _punch_ him for that, right in his stupid nose. He had _no right_ to call her that,” James insisted, finally lying down on his bed.

“I’ll be sure to teach you how to punch, then,” Sirius smirked with mild amusement. “Can’t have you messing up those precious Chaser hands.”

“I know how to punch,” James said defensively. He didn’t, really.

Sirius just laughed in response. Some people might have construed that as insensitive, but this was James.

After the laugh his patience ran out.

“Look, mate. I love you from the bottom of my heart. So I say this with love,” Sirius began with his eyes closed. “Lily Evans makes you blind as a fucking barmy-arse bat...” he paused to crack his eyelids open just enough to shoot James a vexed look.

“You fancy her. You’ve either got to face it or shut the fuck up about it. Either way, I’m going to bed. Night.” With that, he blew out the candles hovering near his nightstand and forcibly pulled his curtains shut.

Many may have cracked under Sirius’ bluntness; he’d scared off weaker souls at Hogwarts, that was for sure. But James actually appreciated it in a weird way--it helped him think more clearly. People weren’t always straight-forward with James. Most people either wanted to win his favor or destroy him, but he could always trust Sirius to tell it to him how it was.

With a sigh, James took off his glasses and rested them on his nightstand. He rolled over.

Maybe Sirius was right.

No, he was definitely right.


	6. Year Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Alright, class,” said Slughorn, clapping his hands together--there was a devious little glint in his eyes that told them today’s NEWT Potions class was going to be _interesting_. Lily perked up at nearly the same time James straightened up from his previous slouching position. 
> 
> “What we’re going to brew today is the most powerful love potion known to wizardkind--Amortentia,” he explained, scribbling the name down on the blackboard for them. It was the end of the year, and most professors would not have breached such a difficult and controversial potion, especially not with the group of students Slughorn had: Lily Evans, Severus Snape, James Potter, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin--but Slughorn wasn’t just _any_ professor, he actually enjoyed brewing up a little drama and excitement in his class from time-to-time.

“Alright, class,” said Slughorn, clapping his hands together--there was a devious little glint in his eyes that told them today’s NEWT Potions class was going to be _interesting_. Lily perked up at nearly the same time James straightened up from his previous slouching position. 

“What we’re going to brew today is the most powerful love potion known to wizardkind--Amortentia,” he explained, scribbling the name down on the blackboard for them. It was the end of the year, and most professors would not have breached such a difficult and controversial potion, especially not with the group of students Slughorn had: Lily Evans, Severus Snape, James Potter, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin--but Slughorn wasn’t just _any_ professor, he actually enjoyed brewing up a little drama and excitement in his class from time-to-time.

“The instructions are in your textbook,” Slughorn continued, “If you’ve brewed it correctly, it should have a mother-of-pearl sheen and spiralling steam, as for the smell…” he trailed off, pausing for dramatic effect and arching an eyebrow. “Well, Ms. Evans, perhaps you’d like to demonstrate with the sample I’ve prepared? Just take a whiff and tell us what it smells like.”

Lily approached the cauldron curiously. She leaned in slightly towards the spiralling steam and sniffed. Her brow furrowed.

“Well?” Slughorn prompted after a few minutes.

“I’m not sure what it is, honestly,” admitted Lily.

“Just try your best to describe it.”

Lily inhaled again. “It smells like...freshly-cut grass. Broomstick polish, maybe? A little minty, too, like toothpaste. And...fresh air, I think. A little bit of perspiration,” she determined finally.

Slughorn looked amused and rather pleased with himself. “Thank you, Ms. Evans,” he said. “If that sounds strangely specific to the rest of you, that’s because Amortentia always smells differently to each individual person; it smells like what--or _who_ \--you’re attracted to.”

James dared a furtive glance over at Lily. Instead of looking embarrassed, she instead looked contemplative, like she still didn’t know what--or _who_ \--the potion smelt like to her.

“Right then,” Slughorn said with another clap of his hands. “Get to it.”

It wasn’t until Slughorn clapped his hands just then that Sirius was snapped out of his twilight state of half-sleeping/half-dying of boredom. He had slumped so far down in his chair that he had to use the desk to pull himself back up. Now that he was more conscious, the event that had just transpired reached him more clearly and he reflected on Lily’s olfactory description of the love potion.

His brow furrowed in thought. _Freshly cut grass, broomstick polish, mint, fresh air, and perspiration_ \--these were all scents he felt were _very_ familiar. Especially now that he was acutely attuned to his animagus canine senses. But he couldn’t quite place this combination of smells.

As he sifted through his long-term memory, he happened to casually glance over at James sitting beside him. That’s when he caught the very subtle whiff of mint.

Sirius’ eyes widened in realization. He looked from Lily to James and then back to Lily. And then, almost immediately, he proceeded to burst into roaring, obnoxious laughter.

James raised an eyebrow as he started to cut up the first ingredient. “What’re you laughing at?” he asked.

Sirius continued to laugh so uncontrollably that tears began to well in his eyes. He banged on the desk so hard from hysteria that half of his ingredients fell to the floor. Finally, he wiped his face on the sleeve of his white button-down shirt and gave James a firm pat on the shoulder with his free hand.

“Oh, _fuck me_.” Sirius sighed into his hands with exasperated amusement as his hysterics let up.

“You know that scent Evans just described--the one that tells what you’re attracted to?” he peered at James with teary eyes.

“She just described you.”

James blushed-- _actually_ blushed and stared concentratedly down at his potion. Remus observed this with great alarm.

“No she didn’t,” James said into his cauldron, avoiding Sirius’ eye.

Sirius snorted and scowled in response. One had to marvel at the labile abilities of Sirius’ emotions.

“You don’t call me _Padfoot_ ‘cause it has a nice ring to it--last I checked. We could ask Evans, if you don’t believe me.” He cocked his eyebrow at James before looking over at Lily. 

Luckily for James, Sirius’ demonstration of inappropriate classroom behavior was not uncommon. And after almost six years, his classmates no longer took interest in it. The only student who seemed to be trying to overhear their conversation was Snape, who kept glancing over in Sirius and James’ direction.

“ _No_ ,” James told Sirius firmly. He looked over his shoulder anxiously to make sure that Lily wasn’t hearing any of this, but she seemed focused on her potion. He was about to breathe a sigh of relief, but then James caught Snape’s eye. He glared at his long-time foe, but simply spun back around to his own work station. In times past, James would likely have started a fight with Snape for that mere glance, but he chose his battles more carefully ever since Snape found out about Remus. No matter how much time went on without a word from Snape, James still couldn’t help but worry that if they provoked him enough, Snape wouldn’t be above outing Remus to the whole school in act of twisted, misguided revenge. 

Remus, meanwhile, was highly amused by this display from James--if he would just play along like he didn’t care, Remus thought he could probably better mask his true feelings; it was how earnest and serious he got when it came to Lily that utterly gave him away.

“The fuck is _wrong_ with you?” Sirius asked James incredulously while he dropped an ashwinder egg into his boiling cauldron in an attempt to make hard-boiled eggs. He had overslept through breakfast that morning.

“All day long you whine about Evans and when you find out she wants to shag you you start acting like a cock.”

“You don't _know_ that,” hissed James. “What she described was pretty much generic boy.”

Remus cleared his throat, “I think,” he began, “This just means a great deal to you, James, and you're not sure what Lily thinks because of your tumultuous past, despite recent changes in her attitude towards you, and you're nervous,” Remus finished with a pointed look at Sirius, which clearly said _so be nice_.

“I can speak for myself, Moony,” James mumbled, but there was a hint of appreciation in his voice, and he didn't deny anything Remus had said.

Sirius met Remus’ look and rolled his eyes in response. He couldn’t relate to James’ feelings as he had never experienced romantic attachment to anyone before. And after witnessing James’ behavior, he didn’t think he’d ever want to.

“She didn’t describe _generic boy_ \--whatever the fuck that is--she described _you_. But what do I know.”

With that, Sirius decided he had enough of potions class for the day. He took his uneatable egg and strode towards the classroom door.

“Professor, I don’t need to learn how to make a love potion. Just look at me. You can have ten points from Gryffindor,” he declared.

Just before he was about to exit he turned back to eye the cauldron with the completed love potion in it on Slughorn's desk. He then waltzed over to it and bent over to smell it.

“Smells like spliff and gasoline. No sign of _generic boy_ here,” he announced while staring at James with a dark look. He then took his leave and slammed the door behind him.

Slughorn looked more amused than angered by Sirius. “Very well, you all heard the boy. Ten points from Gryffindor.”

Lily raised her eyebrows at this display, rolled her eyes, then returned to her work.

“There is something wrong with that boy,” muttered James, shaking his head. “How's it any of his business what I do or don't do with Lily?”

Remus sighed and stirred his potion. “I think he just wants you to be happy, but he doesn't articulate it well. He's frustrated you two won't just get on with it,” he explained. Remus was quiet and contemplative as he stirred his potion, which was beginning to acquire a silverish color. “It’s true that you used to ask Lily out _all_ the time, though. Why don't you ask her on a date now that she actually, you know, talks to you?” he asked.

James shrugged moodily, pretending to concentrate on his own work. “Now that there's a chance she might say yes, it would really suck if she said no,” he admitted.

Severus, meanwhile, had been clenching his fists so firmly under his desk that they had turned skeletal white from lack of blood flow. He hadn’t caught the entire idiotic conversation between Potter and Black, but he heard enough to become silently enraged. 

He looked over at the back of Lily’s head with sadness mixing in with his outraged countenance. He couldn’t believe that she actually was interested in Potter...after all these years of despising him. But he had to admit, she was appearing to despise him less lately. They hadn’t spoken really since that night at the portrait last year, but he did notice her speaking with Potter and laughing _with_ him rather than at him.

Severus frowned deeply and looked at his successfully completed potion with misery.

~~*~~

Later that day, Severus stood at the center of the viaduct watching Lily’s distant figure leaning against the stone railing as she looked out at the pouring rain. Severus still knew where to find Lily, he had just stopped himself from doing so for the better part of a year.

He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, overcome with anticipation. He knew this wasn’t a good idea. She didn’t want to talk to him anymore. But Severus had to know that Black was wrong. Because he _must_ be wrong.

Severus approached Lily, the sound of the pounding rain surrounding them masked his steps.

“Lily,” he said quietly once he was near enough. 

Lily started at his voice--she glanced over at him quickly, then turned swiftly back to watching the rain.

“Severus,” was all she said. 

Severus frowned at the cold greeting and turned to look out at the sprawling grounds.

“Black and Potter were talking about you. They seem to think that you’re _interested_ in Potter now,” he grumbled, running his fingers along the stone balustrade. 

“...I just thought you’d want to know about something so outrageous…” He went on, glancing at Lily quickly from the side of his eyes before returning to the rain.

Lily looked genuinely surprised, “That...that’s ridiculous,” she insisted, but she blushed. Lily felt her cheeks go hot, and that, too, surprised her, as if her body knew how she felt better than her mind did. Truthfully, Lily hadn’t even considered that the potion may have smelt like James, but now that she thought of it...Lily had come to realize that there were many things she admired about James. His humor, his utter rejection of purism, and, most of all, his tireless devotion and loyalty to his friends...especially if Severus _was_ right about Remus.

“Why would that be your business, anyway?” Lily asked, suddenly defensive.

Severus watched Lily blush, feeling as though he’d had the wind knocked out of him. For a few moments he merely gaped at her in total disbelief. But soon enough that disbelief formed into hurt, which then became anger.

“So it’s true. You fancy him.” Severus glowered at Lily, ignoring her last question to him.

“Here I was, looking to defend your honor when really you’re more than happy to leap into the sack with Potter.” Severus had never been so angry in his entire life. His whole body was reacting with him, particularly his shaking fingers.

“Why don’t you climb on into Black’s bed when you’re good and done? I hear he welcomes all manner of cheap slags.”

Lily gaped at Severus for a good five minutes, her face turning even redder, now from anger than from embarrassment. Finally, she composed herself and spoke.

“I knew you were a purist, but I didn't know you were a _sexist_ , too ” she spat at him. “I don't even _know_ if I fancy Potter, I am _hardly_ shagging him, and that has _nothing_ to do with Black, anyway,” she said, folding her arms. “But I will say, I admire what a good, loyal friend James is,” she said, then leaned into Severus, her expression fierce, and she whispered, “Especially if you _are_ right about Remus, since most people would have dropped him in a heartbeat,” she said. “He doesn't tolerate any purist shite either, despite being Pureblood, so there are certainly some redeeming qualities to Potter.”

“You seem to be forgetting that Potter tried to _kill_ me,” Severus met Lily’s fierce stare. “Just because he lost his nerve just in time doesn’t change the fact. They targeted you and I from our very first day at Hogwarts, lest you’ve forgotten all that as well.”

“Last year you said I never stood up for you. And now here you are falling for the very boy who deliberately tried to have me murdered! What’s that say about _your_ loyalty?” Severus was yelling at Lily now over the sound of the pounding rain. The vein in his throat was throbbing and his chest rose and fell heavily. 

“I never even said I was in love with him!” Lily shouted back furiously. “And our loyalty is finished, anyway, _you_ ended it,” Lily said, pointing her finger at him. “I don't believe James tried to kill you. I believe he was trying to protect Remus,” Lily hissed. “And I can't fault him for that, Remus deserves good friends, he's a good person, and if you're right, he can't help what he is,” insisted Lily. “I believe that was all Black. I watched them afterwards. Potter and Black didn't speak for _weeks_.”

Severus shook his head furiously while Lily spoke. “Yes, go on, continue to defend him. You have no idea what it was like. You weren’t there staring that _monster_ right in the eye.”

“Remus is _not_ a monster,” Lily spat right back. “You never should have gone if that's what you thought you'd find. Remus couldn't help himself, _you_ could.”

“I thought you were my best friend. But now I wish I had never met you. I _hate_ you.”

Severus scorched Lily with an unforgiving glare before his wiped himself around and strode away from her with his robes blowing in the wind.

“I thought so, too,” Lily said quietly, once Severus was already gone. She fervently wiped away her tears, then headed off towards the Gryffindor common room. She was tired of crying over Severus Snape.


	7. Year Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He grimaced and turned to Lily, “I’d put gold on my brother signing up with the Death Eaters first chance he gets. And all the rest of their lot, too,” Sirius paused for a moment before eyeing Lily curiously, 
> 
> “Like Snape.”
> 
> Lily tensed at the Snape comment, but she didn’t deny it; she merely sighed. “It’s a way to gain power and status, so….yeah, probably,” she admitted quietly, staring into the fireplace. “It didn’t _have_ to be like that, he didn’t have to be this way, but...it’s what he chose for himself.”

It wasn’t that Sirius didn’t trust Lily--he just didn’t know her, really.

Sirius sat on the floor of the Gryffindor common room before the fireplace. It was half passed two in the morning now, but he continued to pour over the newspaper clippings sprawled out around him. James and Lily had been dating for several weeks, which was basically a lifetime to Sirius. Of course he was happy for James (and relieved), but sharing his best friend was proving to be difficult for him.

James, Sirius and Remus had been among the first to discover that Dumbledore was forming an order to combat Voldemort’s active forces. But Dumbledore himself had forbidden them to join until after they graduated. So, naturally, the boys took matters into their own hands. Normally, they would work together to gather information on Voldemort’s anonymous supporters--but Sirius and James had a bit of a row not too long ago after Sirius obstinately shot down James’ wish to tell Lily about their monthly secret. So tonight he worked solo.

The paper he was reading described one of the women who had been spotted in the Death Eaters’ last known camp. Sirius scribbled and underlined the name _Bellatrix Lestrange_ next to the description.

He stopped annotating the paper and squeezed his eyes open and shut repeatedly in an attempt to keep himself awake. Sighing deeply, he bitterly reflected on James’ request. 

Lily had descended to the common room at this late hour only because she’d woken up to get some water and realized she’d left all her Potions notes and books downstairs after studying with James earlier. They would probably be fine, of course, but if someone nicked all that work, Lily didn’t know how she’d ever manage to start over. 

She didn’t expect to find anyone down in the common room so late, but lo and behold, there was Sirius Black. Lily picked up her potions books and walked over towards him. She couldn’t tell, exactly, if he was awake or asleep.

“Sirius?” 

Sirius had been circling the drain of his subconscious and emerged only when he heard someone say his name. He cracked his bloodshot eyes open to look up at Lily.

“Hey, Evans,” he mumbled sleepily before he looked down to realize he had spilled most of his ink bottle all over himself while half-sleeping.

“Fuck are you doing awake?” 

“I woke up and realized I forgot this,” Lily said, brandishing her potions text and notebooks. 

“What are _you_ doing awake?” she asked.

“Saving the world,” Sirius replied with a smirk before patting the space on the floor next to him, Inviting her to sit

“If you’re interested, I’ve got half of a cold pumpkin pasty and three stale jelly slugs,” he offered while inspecting his bag.

“Uh...I think I’ll pass on the refreshments,” Lily said as she slipped into the spot beside him. “So, saving the world, huh?” she asked, raising an eyebrow as she surveyed Sirius’ work. It was clear enough that he was pooling information on the Death Eaters, but one of his markings caught her eye in particular--it would have been difficult for it to _not_ have caught Lily’s eye, as Sirius had underlined and bolded the name multiple times.

“What’s the connection with Bellatrix Lestrange?” she asked. Lily had read the name in the _Prophet_ before, but she couldn’t quite determine based only on that why Sirius would have singled her out above all the other Death Eaters mentioned in the same article. 

Sirius’ amusement hardened as he returned to his research.

“Well, I think she might be closer to Voldemort than the others. Whenever he’s spotted, she’s alway right there with him,” he explained, pulling several different articles closer to them. He also pointed to a blurry image of lord Voldemort and a wild, dark-haired woman standing close.

“She must know secrets of his that no one else does. She’s also my cousin, so there’s also that.”

Lily considered this theory; Sirius was probably right, and if they knew who she was, why didn’t the Ministry just go after her?

At Sirius’ next words, Lily looked surprised, “She’s your cousin?” she asked, wondering if perhaps she’d heard him wrong.

Sirius laughed dryly in response and leaned back against the couch behind them. 

“Fucked, isn’t it? In all honesty, nearly half of Voldemorts’ supporters are probably members of my family.”

He grimaced and turned to Lily, “I’d put gold on my brother signing up with the Death Eaters first chance he gets. And all the rest of their lot, too,” Sirius paused for a moment before eyeing Lily curiously,

“Like Snape.”

Lily tensed at the Snape comment, but she didn’t deny it; she merely sighed. “It’s a way to gain power and status, so….yeah, probably,” she admitted quietly, staring into the fireplace. “It didn’t _have_ to be like that, he didn’t have to be this way, but...it’s what he chose for himself.”

Sirius regarded Lily with deep admiration before following her gaze to the crackling fire. He recognized how difficult it had been for Lily to let go of Snape and to accept their opposing paths.

“I’ll drink to that,” he responded after a moment with a small smirk before taking a swig from a flask he had hidden away in his bag.

He then held it out of her and grinned, “Come on, Evans. No one’s watching.”

Lily regarded Sirius for a quiet moment--he must understand what it was like to be disappointed by the people you loved, to have them choose an ideology over you. Lily suspected, in fact, that he might know this better than she.

Then, the moment of quiet recognition passed, and she quirked an eyebrow. “Just because I’m not a total menace to society at large doesn’t mean I’ve never had a drink before,” she said. “Regular people drink too, you know,” said Lily. Perhaps she wouldn’t _normally_ drink at very-nearly three o’clock in the morning, but she wanted to show Sirius he wasn’t about to one up her. She took a smooth, confident little swing from the flask he offered. 

Sirius laughed cheerfully as he watched Lily take the drink. “You’re alright, Evans,” he grinned and playfully snatched the flask back from her.

“I won’t be annulling James anytime soon, just so you know--but you’re alright.”

Lily smiled warmly at Sirius, “I’d never want you to annul him,” she said. “I don’t know how to say this in a way that’s not sappy and weird, but I love your friendship. I liked it before I even liked either of you.”

Sirius eyed Lily with sincere appreciation for a brief moment before his playful grin returned.

“Glad to know you’ve secretly been a fan just like the rest,” he sniggered before taking another long drink from the flask.

He then cleared his throat a bit and stared back into the fire. “He’s my brother. I’d do anything for him. If you’re important to him then you’re important to me,” he explained, turning his gaze back to Lily.

Lily smiled even wider, “I know,” she said--the depth of the bond between Sirius and James was obvious to anyone who had a pulse. “You’re important to me too, you know,” she told him.

“Alright, alright, let’s end this before we start crying and braiding eachothers hair,” Sirius sneered, but continued to wear a warm smile.

“Best get to bed now, since you’re coming with us to Hogsmeade in the morning.”

“Oh, am I?” Lily teased as she stood up, but she couldn’t mask the delight that flashed across her expression. She wanted to be a part of this aspect of James’ life on at least some level, since she knew it was such a big part of who he was. 

“Yes. And you have my permission to make all the other girls jealous about it,” Sirius smirked in response as he stood up. He left his mess and belongings behind--all except for the flask.

Sirius flashed her a smiled before he headed towards the boy’s staircase with the flask turned up in his mouth.

“Night, Lily.”

~~*~~

Lily sat at a round table at the Three Broomsticks beside James, with Sirius, Remus, and Peter surrounding them. It surprised her how natural this felt--perhaps because she’d already been friends with Remus for a long while now, and she’d had a nice conversation with Sirius last night. As for Peter, well...he seemed a little over-eager to please her and make her feel welcome. Lily rather suspected it had more to do with James than it had to do with her.

After laughing and talking for a good hour, the conversation reached an abrupt lull, and Lily felt the energy shift peculiarly, as if something had been communicated silently between the four of them.

Remus ran his finger along the rim of his butterbeer, staring fixedly at the foam at the bottom. He felt suddenly sick with nerves, knowing that now was the moment. Three Broomsticks was a better place, ultimately, than the common room, since everyone was so absorbed in their own conversations. Yet, it was still hard to get the words out.

He’d never actually told anyone, after all. James, Sirius, and Peter had figured it out for themselves, and asked him only to confirm. Remus tried to think about how good he’d felt that night, how relieved he felt to know he had true friends, that he didn’t have to live a lie to keep them or worry about losing them. It was only right to tell Lily; James shouldn’t have to sneak around and lie to her, but besides that, Lily had been Remus’ friend for so long-- _he_ shouldn’t lie to her anymore. Lily was an extraordinarily kind person, he reminded himself. Yet, Remus knew that wasn’t always relevant. Even kind people hated werewolves; and, alternately, Sirius wasn’t actually a very kind person. It was never easy to navigate people’s perceptions and prejudices.

Also, he had nearly killed her erstwhile best friend. He’d have to essentially confirm as much.

Taking a deep breath, Remus met Lily’s eyes and held them. “Lily,” he said seriously. “There’s something I have to tell you.”

Lily’s face turned serious, “What is it?” she asked.

Sirius and James exchanged anxious glances as the moment they awaited came to fruition. Just a moment before, Sirius had been in the midst of bringing a fork-load of fish slathered in tartar sauce to his mouth. Because he had paused mid-fork when Remus started to speak, the food fell from the fork and stained his _Dark Side of the Moon_ T-shirt. He swore loudly once he realized and banged on the table out of frustration.

Remus was thoroughly distracted by this display; he looked from Lily to Sirius, then finally backed to Lily. 

He cleared his throat and tried again, but this had ignited a chain reaction at the table. Peter, from the complete opposite side of the table, became so surprised by the sudden banging that he jumped up from his seat and violently bumped into the table. This bump caused Sirius’ freshly-filled glass of Dragon Barrel brandy to teeter and then spill over into James’ lap.

“Bollocks!” James groaned, standing up as brandy dripped off his pants. Lily watched this all in amazement.

“YOU’RE GETTING ME ANOTHER ONE, TOSSER,” Roared Sirius as he beheld the horror.

Remus briefly scoffed at his friends’ inability to compose themselves and returned his gaze to Lily.

“Right...I’m sure you’ve noticed my disappearances from class. I’ve had many excuses for my absences over the years, but they have been mistruths,” he explained in a hushed tone, lowering himself to the table. “The truth is…”

Remus took a breath and looked down at his clean plate for a moment. He then turned back to Lily and opened his mouth to speak, but Peter beat him to it.

“He’s a werewolf!” Peter piped up, half-attempting to keep his voice down. He had scurried over and hunched down between Lily and Remus to distance himself from Sirius’ wrath. 

“PETER!” James howled, sitting back down with his forehead now in his palm. “ _Remus was supposed to say it_ ,” he hissed.

Lily stared at Peter, stunned--truth be told, it wasn’t really the revelation that had stunned her, but simply that Peter had co-opted the moment. She ran a hand through her hair and then turned back to Remus.

She opened her mouth then closed it again, biting her lip--Lily didn’t know if she should admit that she’d suspected as much, but she didn’t want to lie and feign surprise, either. It wasn’t that _she_ ever really felt the need to doubt Remus or pry into his personal business, but Severus had expatiated on his Remus theories every time he spotted Lily hanging out with Remus. She’d tried to ignore him and told Severus she didn’t want to talk about Remus behind his back, but enough of it had gotten through, and Lily couldn’t deny that it added up.

Horror clenched Remus’ gut as he misinterpreted Lily’s hesitancy. “I--I understand, of course, if this changes--if it changes how you feel about me,” Remus said quietly, looking utterly crestfallen, “If you don’t want to...spend time together anymore, obviously...obviously I understand.”

James turned to Lily, stunned--he couldn’t believe she’d feel that way. 

And Sirius eyed her with a scowl.

“No!” Lily burst quickly, “no, no, it’s not that, _of course_ not, Remus, we’re friends,” she told him, then looked down. “It’s just…” Lily paused again, feeling somewhat ashamed to admit this. “It’s just that I kind of knew.”

Remus stared at her, “You could tell?”

“Not exactly…” Lily pressed her hands to her cheeks to relieve some of the heat that had gathered in them, frowning. “But Severus...he was always so keen to know where you all got off to, he was always watching,” she explained, lowering her voice to barely above a whisper. “He’d just tell me things like, ‘see how he’s always missing class around the full moon?’, stuff like that. _I_ wouldn’t have even noticed it was a full moon, but Severus always pointed it out, and...it made sense,” she said. 

“I’m really sorry, I’d always tell him I didn’t want to talk about you behind your back like that, but he always managed to say just enough for the idea to stick,” she said, then reached across the table and took Remus’ hand. “But I don’t think any differently about you, Remus. You’re nice and smart and funny, and I like you for all of those things. This doesn’t change who you are.”

Remus smiled at Lily, his expression caught somewhere between relief and worry at this revelation about Severus.

James turned urgently to Lily. “Snape hasn’t said this shite to anyone else, has he?” he asked, his voice shaking with near rage; James had laid off Snape, not just for Lily’s sake, but out of a growing sense of the futility of it all. But if he did anything to Remus, James would destroy that git. Even when it came to Sirius, James had to admit they both had it coming--they’d tormented Snape, but Remus didn’t deserve that, it wasn’t fair.

Sirius had become uncharacteristically rigid and reserved once Lily spoke about Snape figuring out Remus’ secret. This wasn’t a surprise, of course, but the topic surfaced some residual guilt he still held over telling Snape about the Whomping Willow. If Snape ever did decide to share this knowledge with anyone else it would ultimately be Sirius’ fault. He turned to hear Lily’s response to James, appearing almost sickly.

Lily let go of Remus’ hand and shook her head. “No, I don’t think so...I’m nearly positive that if he’d told Mulciber or Rosier or any of his mates...the whole school and probably the board of governors would know,” she said, then sighed. “I think he just wanted me to stop being friends with you,” she admitted. 

Remus nodded in response, appearing relieved for the most part. Mulciber and Rosier would never keep something like that quiet. The entire Wizarding world most likely would have known by now.

“Considering that I’m still here you’re probably right,” he said with a small smile.

Sirius also appeared relieved as his rigid pose in the chair returned to aristocratic ownership. To calm himself he finished off James’ butterbeer. Once he firmly returned the empty glass to the table and wiped the foam from his face he looked at Lily.

“There’s more,” he began, his eyes darting to James briefly before returning to Lily.

“Once we figured out Remus’ secret in second year we decided that we needed to help Remus somehow. We couldn’t develop a cure, which we first seriously considered,” he sniggered.

“Yeah, we tried to invent a potion, but then we tested it and it just made us throw our brains up. Not literally, but it probably could have,” James interjected.

Sirius flashed James a grin before he continued, “But we did find a way for us to be with Remus while he transformed so that he didn’t have to be alone.”

He stopped and glanced over at Peter, who quite literally was about to burst. His cheeks had turned bright red from holding his breath and his whole body was fidgeting and on the verge of full-on convulsing.

He snorted and rolled his eyes. “Go on then,” he instructed Peter.

Peter’s eyes grew completely round. “We’re Animaguses!”

“ _Animagi_ ,” Sirius corrected as he shook his head in astonishment. “Fool.”

“Really?” Lily asked in wonderment. It was hard not to admire them for that, and it was plain to see on her face--she knew each of them was flawed, but they were good friends to one another, and that was something Lily deeply respected.

“What are your animagus forms?” she asked quietly.

“Stag,” said James proudly, wrapping an arm around Lily.

“Dragon,” said Sirius coolly, smirking as his tipped his chair back.

James snorted, nearly spitting out a mouthful of dragonian pale ale.

Peter looked at Sirius, affronted. “He’s not a _dragon_! He’s a dog, a big black dog.” he exclaimed.

“Peter, purveyor of truth,” Sirius remarked mockingly but continued to wear his smirk. “That’s why our nicknames are Padfoot and Prongs,” he explained, hanging one of his arms leisurely over the back of his chair. Then his eyes flashed devilishly as he looked over at Peter.

“Tell her what you are.”

Peter paled a bit at Sirius in response before turning to Lily. 

“I’m...I’m a rat,” Peter explained hesitantly with his eyes on his licked-clean plate.

Before anyone--particularly Sirius--could come up a clever insult he puffed up his chest with pride and addressed the table. 

“Rats are very important!” Peter proclaimed. “They are very important for the ecosystem and are just misunderstood! And we wouldn’t be able to get into the whomping willow without _me!_ ” He turned to James, as usual seeking his approval and support.

James did, in fact, nod approvingly. “It’s true,” he confirmed. “We needed someone to transform into something small enough to...subdue the whomping willow. It's complicated, better to leave it at that,” said James. It wasn't like any of them really thought Lily would go wandering off to the shrieking shack on a full moon, but he knew Remus wasn't comfortable giving too much away about their plans--he noticed how Remus tensed as soon as Peter mentioned the whomping willow.

“Well, I'm impressed,” Lily told them truthfully.

After Sirius was finished snickering at Peter’s advocation for rats he turned to Lily and smiled with pride.

“You should be. It wasn’t an enjoyable process to say the least. I still gag when I so much as see a mandrake,” he shuddered and shook his head.

“I thought I was going to die,” Peter admitted.

“But you didn’t. You only pissed yourself,” Sirius replied.

“We thought you should know about all this. Seeing as you’re one of us now,” Sirius explained and turned to meet James’ gaze with a smile.

Lily and James both beamed at that--Remus smiled in turn, nodding in agreement to Sirius’ declaration.

“I’m honored to be a part of such a good group of friends,” Lily said earnestly.

~~*~~

Mulciber, Avery and Rosier sat at one of the tables in the middle courtyard roaring with laughter as they played a game of exploding snap. It was the first spring day any of them could remember where the sun was out--even though it only just managed to escape through the clouds. Severus stood off in the distance against one of the pillars as he poured over his Seventh year Defence Against the Dark Arts text.

Although he appeared to be studying, Severus was actually reflecting on the conversation he had with his friends the night before on becoming a Death Eater. This conversation, of course, was led by Regulus, who had been proponing Voldemort’s cause even before it came to public knowledge.

Severus, however, still wasn’t concerned with dominating muggles, nor did he desire wealth or fame--but he couldn’t help but be intrigued by the power that came with being one of Voldemort’s esteemed supporters. He’d always been ambitious, after all.

As Severus considered all of this, Lily happened to enter into the courtyard with her boyfriend, James Potter.

Mulciber was in the midst of laughing as Avery’s card snapped in his face when he saw Lily and James. 

“If it isn’t the blood traitor and the mudblood,” Mulciber sneered, standing up from his table. “No self-respecting pureblood girl would have you, so you had to settle for a mudblood, eh Potter?”

Rosier and Avery watched from their seats, both laughing mirthlessly in unison. Severus, meanwhile, looked up from his book. His brow furrowed instantly into a scowl and his lip curled.

James spun around so fast, Mulciber stumbled backwards. Lily was about to pull him back, certain he was going to punch him and _certain_ it was neither worth it, nor appropriate for the Head Boy to do so--but then she saw that James' hands remained firmly at his sides.

Instead, James stretched out his spine and squared his soldiers to his full and impressive height. He looked down his nose at Mulciber. “The only way I could betray _my_ blood, Mulciber, would be to kiss the arse of purist bigots such as yourself,” said James--he didn’t shout, but there was something fearsome in his tone that was perhaps more startling than if he had drawn a fist or a wand. “I’ll _never_ do that,” he asserted, taking a step closer. “And you sound pathetic calling her that, you know? Trying to hurt her feelings, as if _you_ even have what it takes to get under her skin,” James scoffed, “Lily knows her own worth.”

At that, James turned on his heel, his robes whipping around and smacking Mulciber in the shins from the momentum.

Normally, Lily would have had some clever rebuke too, but she was so stunned at James’ reaction--he was firm, but he had refused to give Mulciber the rise he so obviously had been trying to elicit. Lily could tell by the tension in James’ jaw and the look in his eye as he walked away that he would have liked to have done more, but he restrained himself.

“I’m sorry,” James muttered darkly.

“Don’t apologize. You were exactly right, I _don’t_ care what Mulciber thinks,” she said, then paused. Lily touched her right palm to James’ left cheek, and they both stopped mid-step. She turned his face towards hers, then wrapped her fingers around the side of his neck and through his hair. She tilted his head downwards and leaned up to kiss him. A chaste, quick kiss--Lily wasn’t big on public displays of affection, but she’d just seen another side of James--understated, yet fierce and unrelenting. And she liked it.

James relaxed into the kiss, the tension instantly leaving his body. “What was that for?” he asked when Lily pulled away. She smiled.

“For being such a badass,” Lily told him.

Regulus sat not far from Severus as he watched Evans and Potter’s retreating forms, wrinkling his nose and turning away at the kiss. 

He knew more about the Potters than he cared to, about James’ parents’ utter disdain for purism and pureblood society writ large, his Muggle-loving grandfather who’d given an impassioned speech for magical intervention in the Muggle’s First World War, even back in the 1600s, it was a Potter who’d drafted the Statute of Secrecy, forgoing war with the Muggles. Regulus knew all this, because right up until Sirius ran away, their mother would rail against the Potters at every opportunity, relentlessly trying to convince Sirius to dump Potter and acquire more suitable friends. The Lupins and Pettigrews hadn’t even been worth her breath, but the Potters were a source of endless frustration to her; they may have been notorious blood traitors, but they were considerably wealthier than even Regulus’ family, thanks to James’ inventor of a father, which meant they couldn’t be easily ignored or dismissed. 

As far as Regulus was concerned, the Potters were a thoroughly lost cause. _Of course_ their son and heir would run off with a mudblood, they didn’t even keep a record of their blood status. Regulus thought it was utterly futile to try and provoke Potter over his relationship; it would only embolden him, and after listening to his self-righteous little tirade, Regulus knew he was right.

“I don’t know why Mulciber wastes his time, that only gives Potter a platform. There’s only one way to cut people like that down to size,” Regulus muttered darkly to Severus--he felt compelled to open up to Severus on this topic, because he was the only one who could understand Regulus’ own hatred of Potter. To people like Mulciber, he was just another bleeding-heart blood traitor; to Regulus, Potter was his replacement, the one who’d stolen his older brother. 

“Their views, _their_ ideology has been too coddled, it’s become mainstream, in large part _because_ of families like the Potters using their wealth and power at the Ministry to push through a perverted Muggle-loving, Dark Arts-abhorring agenda. It’s going to require a total upheaval of society to cut them down to side, to marginalize _their_ views.”

While Regulus spoke to him, Severus kept his stare focused on Lily’s distant figure as hatred boiled within him. There was a time where witnessing her kiss James Potter would have brought him deep sadness and agony, now it served as a visual reminder of her defection to him and their once familial bond.

Severus turned his narrowed eyes to Regulus. There was a time not too long ago where he would have scoffed at Regulus’ dogma that has been promulgated nearly word-for-word by lord Voldemort himself. That time ceased to exist the moment Lily Evans agreed to go out with James Potter.

“And what, this _Lord_ of yours will bring us justice? WIll he restore the skewed scales? You know better than any that this is no original cause. He’s growing in power, it’s true, but how will he conquer where Grindelwald failed? Why should I pledge myself--my life--to a cause carrying a sullied track record?”

Severus’ voice oozed with multiple layers of defense, but the fact that he was responding to Regulus at all revealed his interest. In truth, he was coming to understand that he and Lord Voldemort shared enemies. The moment after leaving Hogwarts, Potter, Black, Lupin, Pettigrew would band together to fight. They were all too predictable to consider otherwise. 

Regulus wasn’t accustomed to hearing the Dark Lord question, at least not by someone like Severus. It startled him for a moment, but Regulus was a match for Severus’ wits, and so he readily had an answer.

“Yes, he will,” said Regulus firmly. “He believes in the threat of Muggles, the strength of magic, the purity of blood, but...the Dark Lord is not blinded by purism like some are, he still recognizes and appreciates magical talent and power above all else, he can make exceptions. And he’s smart enough to turn the current beliefs of the Ministry on their head,” he said. Regulus shifted uncomfortably, unsure if he said too much; after all, Severus could easily ask him how he knew these things, and the answer was, of course, his cousin Bellatrix. But Regulus wouldn’t tell him that, he’d lie if the conversation made that turn. 

“As for Grindelwald, I believe he started too big and spread himself out too thin,” Regulus said, after a moment of consideration. “He went after Muggles in their entirety first--that’s too big of a goal, because there’s so many of them, they have strength in numbers and they _do_ have technology,” Regulus conceded. Unlike some purists who pretended Muggles were virtual cave people, Regulus didn’t think it was wise to underestimate your enemy. “And he spread himself out too thin, he tried to conquer all of Eastern Europe before he really nurtured one, single stronghold of a country,” said Regulus. “That’s not what the Dark Lord is doing. His strategy is internal to the magical world first, going after mudbloods and blood traitors,” Regulus said, with a nod towards to the now distant figures of Potter and Evans. “And his focus is the U.K.”

“But,” Regulus added. “Of course it’s all a leap of faith, it takes guts, there’s no guarantee for success, so you have to ask yourself if it’s worth dying for, because you might.”

Severus listened to Regulus with his expression still guarded until he gestured to Lily and Potter. He followed Regulus’ gaze and watched them stoically. Black, Pettigrew, and the werewolf had joined them now, all laughing happily outside the courtyard. She looked happy. Happier than Severus had seen her since she was a child. 

He decided then that he needed to destroy her. He needed to destroy them all. No matter the cost.

“Not guts,” Severus corrected, still eyeing Lily. “Ambition.”

Regulus arched an eyebrow. “Do you not think the two interrelated?”

Severus sneered without turning to look at Regulus. “Not in the slightest.”

He snapped his text closed and straightened out his robes before he briskly exited the courtyard. As he passed Lily, they exchanged a hardened, loathsome stare. Then, he turned his back to her and continued on his way.

_Fin_


End file.
